Discovery Center vacationing

I feel like I'm on vacation right now. I'm at the "discovery center" museum in town with three big boys and no sister girl!

I'm one of "those" moms sitting in a chair by herself with a starbucks white chocolate mocha-one squirt peppermint- and tapping away on her I phone. Oh and with a smug smile on her face (ok actually I'm not smiling but I'm shouting for joy in my head)

Sister girl is napping at home with sweet daddy who came home early to grade papers (I promised him she would stay asleep-oh wait I forgot to give her that benadryl).

Watch dog Eli is hovering over the younger boys and looking out for "suspicious looking adults" so I have no worries!

I'm realizing some things as I people watch and over dose on caffeine-
1. Never underestimate the power a good fitting bra has on your body.
2. Tanning beds in winter on anyone older than 25 is a bad thing!
3. Mothers with little kids in a crowded museum can't stand the sight of mothers with big independent children(ok that was my own thought)
4. No matter how many fun things there are to "discover" in a museum boys will always revert back to playing spies and chasing each other.
5. I miss sister girl! What can I say? :)

I've gone mental...

Well, my computer is slowly crashing - that is lay terms - actually my husband would say the "graphics processor is not functioning properly or he has said, "Sarah the brain of the computer is broken". I liked the second explanation better. All I really heard though was "...at least $700 or more to replace a small part....probably better to buy new computer...won't have t.v. on big screen like this one...more than likely a lap top..." I just started wallowing in self-pity after that. I love my computer - it's a huge big old flat screen hooked to the wall that I watch t.v. on even Netflix on... gall- lee...I can even DVR Sesame street on it and let sister girl watch it whenever i need to lock her down in her high chair with some gold fish and use the bathroom for crying out loud!

So...I've just been out of sync this week. Not to mention it is Spring Break and half the world is traveling to Atlanta, Memphis, the beach or some other cool city that they can't resist posting all over Face book about. I don't sound the least bit jealous do I? My sweet husband of course has to work because his lovely university had Spring Break when it was still snowing outside!!!!!

I actually had a reason for blogging tonight - didn't mean to get on the whining mat but while I'm here...just kidding.

My sweet Eli got baptized Sunday night. I wanted to post about that with wonderful pictures (thanks to his dad who was hovering over the 'bathtub' of water to get good pictures) (Baptist want to make sure you are completely washed away of sin - no sprinkling around these here parts). But back to paragraph one and you will see my computer won't let me do that high tech procedure of downloading pictures. It is being nice to me right now by allowing me to type! I know you are watching me "Hal" through that big camera on the screen that is pointed at me right now!

I was actually going to post about 'obsessing'. Now that I'm obsessing over how long this post already is I don't know if I want to continue but the fact is I'm obsessing over getting it off my chest through my usual blog therapy so I must try.

Do you ever obsess over things? Obsess over someone being 'rude' to you? Obsess over a friend blowing you off? Obsess over a look you swear that girl in the gym gave you? Obsess over forgetting someone's birthday? Obsess over being short with a family member? I have a bad problem of trying to get in other people's heads and figure out what they are thinking and then obsessing over the different scenarios.

My husband likes to remind me I'm crazy and that he can't even figure me out so I don't know why I'm trying to figure myself out. Today I actually had the idea that maybe I'm just mental - seriously, like maybe I have schizophrenia ("Hal, would you please stop laughing at me while I'm trying to read the 20' size font you are making me type with right now!!!!) No, really did I say I might be schizophrenic?

I was just wondering (out loud into cyber-world) if I was the only person who did this. I understand (again from my sane husband who doesn't let much bother him) that this is very unhealthy and I need to "let it go". So, as I see that people read my blog from all over the country but I have no idea who they are or what they think of me (other than the fact that I'm a slightly insane mother of what feels like 100 kids who talks to herself as therapy on a computer at night) I wonder if I'm the only one who obsesses.

Now...I don't mean obsess over cleaning or hoarding or germs - those type of people really get on my nerves. Is it just the coolest thing now to say "I'm obsessed with germs" as if you are branding yourself cleaner than the rest of us normal but dirty people? I mean really is it that bad that my children eat food off the floor (30 mt. rule in this house folks) or that I forget to make them wash their hands with the bottle of sanitizer I should have been carrying with me to the park after they touched all those germs on the playground and are about to eat the picnic lunch I brought. No! I'm talking about a different kind of obsessing.

Where you replay the scenario again and again like a trained CSI agent reviewing everyone's facial expressions and grunts or laughs, listening to each person's comments to see what tone they used so you can REALLY tell what they MEANT to say.

Yes, after writing that I do declare myself mental. I've got to learn to get over it. Okay, I think "Hal" just sent a copy of this post to the local police station. I must go now; I can hear the sirens coming down my street now to get me with a straight jacket.

(Hal is the computer on movie "2001 Space Odyssey" that takes over the ship in case you really thought I was talking to my make believe friend in this screwed up computer)

The waiting place

I'm in a weird place right now...the waiting place. And I don't like it one bit!

Growing up I was always waiting for the next thing. Couldn't wait to turn 13. Then it was 16. Then it was 18. Then couldn't wait to graduate high school...go to college...find my next boyfriend...graduate from college...get married...land the perfect job...have baby number one...move out of an apartment...have baby number two...not be poor (still waiting on that one - ha ha)...buy our first house...for my boys to get older...for some freedom from chasing toddlers...to have a baby girl...for little ones to heal from horrible sicknesses....

This isn't to say I'm not a content person. I actually really like being content where I am as long as there isn't anything on my mind that I think I should be waiting for. (that was meant as a joke)

I have been in a content state for awhile but lately I have found myself once again in a state of waiting for the next thing.

I am waiting for my house to sell. I am waiting for sister girl to not be two and stop peeing in her clothes only when we are in a nice restaurant surrounded by strangers. I am waiting for my husband to finish his Doctorate degree, which finally he is soooo close to the end I can see the light! I am waiting now for news on a project that I have devoted my free time to working on for the past eight months. I am waiting to see if I should put sister girl in preschool next year as a three year old and land the perfect part-time job or keep her at home one more year with me and not work. I am waiting for a new volunteer job I have taken on to start - and all the fear and anxiety that goes along with this new position is waiting for me!

So I go from content and not 'wanting' anything to all of a sudden in a place where God is making me look at my day and be purposeful about where I let my mind wander. Do I spend countless minutes, hours, thinking about all of these things and growing anxious over them or do I rest in the time I have and look at what I am not waiting on right then. All of these things I am "waiting" on are actually things I just really "want" and wouldn't necessarily bring me any more happiness in life than I already have.

So, in this waiting period I am trying very hard to discipline myself to not get caught up in the act of waiting and wanting what I have no control over and just live contently in the moment.

"Waiting for Superman"

Today my boys' principal showed the documentary "Waiting for Superman" for parents to come watch together and then have a discussion with our teachers. I had seen the movie a few weeks ago and was very moved by its material. It was even more eye opening to watch a second time and listen to educators share their opinions and answer our (parents) questions about the educational crisis in America.

The most important thing I gained out of the experience was a realization that my family is in the small percentage of very fortunate American families who are able to send their children to a wonderful school with excellent teachers. It made me so sad though to watch the statistics and listen to the stories of so many families around our country who don't have that option to choose a 'better' school then they might be zoned for.

My boys don't go to a private, magnet or charter school but they were able to get into a 'university' school that is based on your child's birthday on a list. And we made a decision for our oldest to repeat kindergarten to get into the school like half the other kids in the school. We made that choice based on other things about our son but knowing that the advantages he would have at the small school made it worth the decision to repeat a year in the end. I understand after watching the movie that MOST children don't have a chance to get into one of these type schools and so they are stuck with their failing school.

It was very interesting to hear our teachers' perspectives on tenure, "bad teachers", teaching in high risk/inner city schools, state regulations/legislation on educators, etc. But after much discussion on our thoughts about the documentary we pretty much all agreed that it isn't really the teachers' fault in the end...its' parents/society that has gotten us in this mess.

The schools that do so well? They are the ones that have 100% parental participation. The parents are held accountable for being involved both at home with their children but also at school. There is expected communication between the teacher and parents, homework is expected to be completed, parents are in the school volunteering or helping out with extra programs or at meetings with teachers.

But at public schools, which is where my kids attend, you can't do that. You can't make the parents get involved. You can't hold the parents responsible for reading to their children or meeting their teachers or coming to a PTO meeting. And so it is left up to our teachers to take what they get each morning with all 20 or more children and start from there...make sure they are fed, clothed, have slept, deal with their trauma from home, dysfunctional tendencies, family dramas, fears, then start teaching these kids something. It is overwhelming for them. I have a lot more sympathy for them now.

Teaching isn't the same career choice that it once was. It isn't the 'easy' family friendly profession you choose so you can have Christmas and Summer breaks and go home at 3:30. These professionals have more paperwork, test scores, data, professional development training throughout the year and into the summer, as well as the technology advances they must keep up with and use in their classrooms then ever before.

And yes, just like the documentary, there are BAD teachers. And they are to blame for A LOT of students' failure in our schools! I had a few bad teachers in my own high school and know how tenure kept them from being touched...along with a principal who didn't pursue making them do anything! But there are two sides to this debate and many ways to look at the mess our educational system is in.

It is always stimulating to learn and be a part of a discussion where ideas are shared and views are challenged. And I am very, very appreciative and blessed to have my family at a good school I now realize more than ever.

I challenge you to watch the documentary...perhaps watch it with a group of fellow parents and educators for a lively discussion afterwards. We need to have a voice in our children's future and our voices won't be heard or carry any weight unless we know what we are fighting for.

"You're old...and You're falling apart!"

Last night I was reading Elizabeth's bible to her. We were looking at the picture of Sarah and Abraham who were blessed with baby Issac at an old age. The picture made them look VERY old and Elizabeth looked up at me and patted my cheek. She then proceeded to tell me "mommy's old".

As if that wasn't enough she continued...

"Mommy's falling apart." WHAT?

So she said it again and then one more time for good measure. "Mommy's falling apart."

And to top it off she smiled at me and finished with, "Mommy get fixed!"

Seriously! I mean I know those little indentions between my eyebrows are now permanently carved in my forehead like the great grand canyon itself (no thanks to sister girl and my constant dirty looks at her) and I have noticed a few extra chicken's feet along the sides of my eyes...and I haven't been fixing my hair lately...and I have been looking kind of pasty lately but I didn't think it was really appropriate to start applying self tanner just yet...and it had been a long day...but do I really look like I'm falling apart?

This just gives me a good excuse to put that two year old facial gift certificate to use and I'm going to schedule a hair cut too dag-nab-it. Maybe I'll throw in a new lip stick while I'm at it. My mother always said everything looks better when you have a little lipstick on! Thanks for the pep-talk sister girl!

Just like his Daddy!

He has my hair - "thick, course and well horse like" is how most beauticians refer to it.

He has my unique temperment - incredibly shy at times and then when around those he feels comfortable, extremely outgoing.

But other than that he is his Daddy's spitting image!

Besides looking just like his dad and being the mini comedian that I remember Nate being in grade school he has taken on his father's special talent of baby whispering.

I have heard stories about Nate from his mother, how he helped so much with raising his younger sister while growing up. (one sister is a little over two years younger then him but the other one he helped with so much was over five or six years younger). The way I have copied my mother-in-law's birthing cycle is a little scary - anything I can do to earn extra stars right? =)

I have been told how he rocked little Sarah and fed her and played with her. I have seen how he still 'mothers' her to death with burdensome questions about her well being and nagging her till she turns blue - I think his mother even stopped that one years ago. Big Brothers!

But Eli has received the same natural ability to care for babies that his father still to this day has. I just wanted to highlight some of the many things that this nine year old does with his little sister because of this ability/desire passed down from his dear old dad.

1. Eli will gladly (well sometimes he gives me dirty looks behind her back) take Elizabeth out in the backyard to push in a swing or jump on the trampoline or just watch while I am busy in the house.
2. Eli watches Elizabeth like a sheep dog herding his little ones when we go out in public or on the street.
3. Eli is the first one Elizabeth calls for when she wakes up in the morning, "Eli....come get me!!!!" And he gladly does every morning!
4. Eli always gives kisses and hugs to his adoring sister whenever she asks or whenever she is about to go to bed or whenever he is about to leave for school.
5. Eli is the only one able to get Elizabeth to eat her vegetables at meal times. (usually by saying, "DON'T YOU EAT THAT! GIRL, I'M GOING TO GET YOU! DON'T YOU DO IT!" Until she is laughing so loud and stuffing the broccoli down her throat.)
6. Eli hates to see Elizabeth cry or disciplined.
7. Eli puts up with Elizabeth hitting him on the head when he is not paying attention to her because of a video game.
8. Eli has about five different versions of her nickname that only he calls her.
9. Eli willingly takes her to the potty and helps her with her clothes.
And #10...Eli would gladly do any of these things for another little baby/toddler in his extended family and often does!

Now...if only I could get him to do half this stuff with his little brother! You can only ask so much I guess!

A girl can dream right?

I've never been very consistent with exercising.

Until now.

It's called Zumba and I absolutely love it! Here is why...

I am the 35 year old in the back of the class that is shaking my bottom as if I am imagining I am Beyonce on stage singing "Put a ring on it!" I'm also the woman in the back strategically placed behind a row of other women so that I can not see myself in the mirror...that is key!

I was one of those obnoxiously, peppy, bow head cheerleaders in Jr. High and then High School. By college I had some sense knocked into me - well and I went to a women's college that didn't see the need for cheerleaders I suppose - and left my cheerleading career for more serious ambitions -- club dancing and a semester of volleyball (I don't know which was worse).

I have never lost my love for dancing. I guess when I was 16 it didn't matter how well I did it just that the hem on my skirt came below my bottom (I swear mom I wasn't folding the waistline up when I left home) and that I wasn't scared to shake it - even if it didn't always follow the beat of the song.

Now I'm 35 and I get to do it again but this time I don't have pubescent boys drooling over the bleachers and I am doing everything I can to keep my curvy toosh covered. It is the best hour of stress release I've ever experienced. And there is always that hope I hold onto deep down inside that one day Beyonce's agent will walk by the room and see me in the back shaking it...and you know what will happen next. See you in Hollywood!