"I pity the fool...I mean young lady"

He's about to turn nine...one year from ten...that two digit number you so desperately want to be when you are growing up (well I did... then it was "I can't wait to be 13, I can't wait to be 16, I can't wait to be 18, I can't wait to be 21, ohhhhh I can't wait to be 30 so I won't be in my 20's anymore, now...well I can stop all that mess!)

I recently took Eli to see "The Diary of a Wimpy Kid" with a buddy of his who had also read the series of books. I knew the books were filled with potty boy humor and some bullies...it was about a 'wimpy kid' going into Jr. high for goodness sakes. Eli thought they were funny...and he wanted to read all the books so I didn't stop him.

The movie was enlightening for me as a mom. A little unnerving too though, as I watched these 11 year old boys going into Jr. high...the zoo of hormones and pimples. Oh, how I dread those days with a boy and my boy at that. At a young age this child was aware of how he dressed (please mom no turtle necks, dress shoes or collard shirts for that matter) and how every hair had to be in the right place. He mastered the swing of his semi-long bangs in first grade making sure he threw his neck to the right just at the perfect time so the girls (usually older ones) passing by saw the beautiful swish of his hair. He has never once mentioned having a girlfriend despite every one of his pals having had one at some point; but yet like a predator on the hunt I can sense when a cute girl is walking within his perimeter because he completely goes into stealth cool mode and watches his 'prey' with cautious eyes from afar. (yes, once we were walking through a parking lot going to cub scouts and he spotted a gang of college girls - yes college girls - he watched them with every step and made sure to not trip or act like the typical skipping 8 year old he was at the time! I almost died!)

Eli talks about being a teenager with such longing and my friends never hesitate to tell me how he stopped them in the hall at school to joke around or say hello with a great big flirty smile...my friends...the ones who are moms! He jumps out of the car every morning with eyes glued to the beautiful blonde standing in the road directing traffic (one of the teacher's aids...yes, she has to be in her late 30's!) He immediately tries to lock eyes with her and gives her a huge wave and blinks those long eyelashes at the sweet woman. I just laugh with her and cringe inside at the thought of what is to come!

But...like I said he still doesn't mention having a girlfriend and he thinks of most of the girls in his class as his buddies that he plays with and measures their coolness by how fast they can chase him.

And the best part of all...when walking through Wal-greens last night he (yes he) reached up and grabbed my hand to hold as we meandered down the aisle. He didn't even let go when an older man walked by and smiled at us! I will hold onto those moments for as long as I can...and "I pity the fool (I mean young lady...or older one for that matter) who tries to take my boys hand away from me..." just kidding folks!

A reflection on friendships

As I prepare to head home (West TN.) to visit my parents over the kids' spring break I am reminiscing on a few things. Things are always changing and how hard it is sometimes to accept those changes...
Over the past two years I feel many things have changed in my life as 1. both boys have entered school and 2. I had another baby. But also along with those changes that have themselves brought about a ripple effect in my life there has been outside circumstances that have changed me.

I had a very close friend move out of town which was very hard to accept. Then due to our children starting school another close friend and I had to say goodbye to our regularly scheduled social time twice a month at a preschool mothers group. More recently I have had two friends start back to work full time (well, almost there right K.?) and that has about crushed me.
I understand that things change and very rarely will your situation stay the same as far as the little bubble you surround yourself in goes. But when that bubble does change shape and you are left feeling a little different then before it is a time for reflection.

All of these friend situations over the years have taught me that more important than anything is trying to stay in touch with people...making an effort to send e-mails or write a quick text or even more lasting to actually make a date to have lunch with that friend you want to stay in touch with. It takes more effort sometimes but when I remember that those I have put such time and care into building a relationship with mean so much to me I know that I can't give up and get lazy or get my feelings hurt and wait on them to make the first move. (We all do that don't we?)

So...here is to changes in relationships...old friends that I miss but still care about...current friends who are moving on with life circumstances but still remain close at heart...and to any new friends out there that I have yet to meet!

Wordless Wednesday

Spring is in my backyard

Things are turning a corner for me. I think it is all because of the weather. For the past 4 days it has been warm enough to play outside and with playing outside comes a realization that things have been growing back there.

I have quite a lot of flower beds due to my mother and Nate's grandmother's gardening skills. Ever since we moved here we have been bringing back a garbage bag full of perennials in the trunk of our car. Each year I have had to dig another flower bed to accommodate their multiplying. That is until I got pregnant with Elizabeth and I stopped adding onto the beds; so now I have nine total...full of beautiful West TN. flowers that keep multiplying and taking up more space. I'm at the point now that I give them to neighbors and friends gladly just as my family has me.

But it never fails when Spring starts knocking at the door of my life I am reminded of how I ended the previous Fall season...tired of watering and pulling weeds and cutting down dead stalks. So, that is what my gardens were left like all through winter - weedy, dead flowers and old mulch. I first notice by beds again when I see those faithful daffodils pop their resiliant heads up out of the cold ground. When I take a closer look to make sure new growth is actually what I'm seeing (usually with my hat, coat and gloves on) sure enough I realize Spring has not failed us yet and boy do I have a lot of work to do.

All that to say the last two days I have tested my young daughter's ability to be temporarily 'unwatched' in the backyard (it is fenced in) while I stick my nose to the ground and cut layers and layers of dead stalks, then rake it all up, and begin thinking about pulling the grass that has overgrown my beds. And all the while Elizabeth passed the test with flying colors. She is a true outdoor independent soul. For over an hour today she played in the sandbox, pushed cars, carried babeeeeee around, even rolled around on our trampoline (I zip her up in it) while I worked as fast as I could.

I managed to get all five beds cleaned out in the backyard the past two days and have discovered daffodils are not the only things coming back with vengeance.

So...here's to many Spring and Summer days to come filled with weed pulling, water sprinkling, and flower admiring experiences!

Enjoy the pictures from years ago(I couldn't find any more recent)...that will give me hope to carry on until the last frost of April!

What's your identity?

What is your identity? How would you describe who you are and what makes you the unique person you are?

Would you start with a list of your job qualifications? I heard a job search expert say on a morning show that even if you aren't getting paid you can still define yourself by your skills..."I am a painter. I am a stock broker. I am a teacher." Those qualities are who you are as a person.

Really?

I recently joined a small 'bible group' of ladies on Sunday night. We meet after the little ones are in bed (or on their way with daddy) and visit, share our troubles and triumphs, fears and dreams as well as study a Christian based book. When we first met one friend asked the group to tell a little about their identity so everyone could get to know them. Most of the women had never met before. It was interesting to see what people shared in an attempt to define themselves in a brief amount of time. I was surprised that most of us said the same thing though we all had different backgrounds and present situations in our life.

I shared that I saw myself as a supporter. I have supported my husband for the past 12 years through graduate school and now his doctorate program, encouraging him and being his rock during stressful times. I have supported him through job changes that effected our entire family. I have supported my family by making a choice to be the primary caregiver for our children and putting any career dreams I had on a back burner while they are little. I have supported my children in helping to raise them with the values and character traits Nate and I want them to have. So....I am a supporter - is that my identity? But what about me...just me with no one else in the picture?

I get this magazine once a year from the college I graduated from that highlights all the great professions their graduates have entered. Every year I read this magazine I get depressed looking at these women who graduated from the same school I did and seeing what wonderful things they are accomplishing in the world. Is that their identity?

Then last night I read the first day of my new bible study "No Other Gods" and this is what it said..."I guess I've always had this wistful notion that if I were married I wouldn't struggle so much with who I am. But it seems that women everywhere are caught in an endless pursuit to discover their identity. And it's not just people in their twenties and early thirties. According to many of my friends who have lived just a little longer, finding identity can be a lifelong battle, a continuous cycle. Husbands don't seem to solve. Kids apparently don't do it. Careers fall short..."

So where do we find our identity and what does it look like when we do find it?

Feminists will try to tell you that as a woman your identity is being a strong woman who can do all things without the help of a man. But as much as I agree with women's rights (to an extent) my identity is not found in being a strong woman...because sometimes I'm not so strong and sometimes I don't want to lean on myself!

The news anchor job guru will tell you your identity is found in your skills but what happens when those skills aren't needed anymore or you get a little rusty in your skills or for goodness sake if you get tired of using those skills and want to change them? I think of my dad who was a teacher all of his life and is now retired and totally embracing a new side of himself as an artist!

The mother in me wants to think my identity is found in being the best mom to my kids but what is going to happen when these precious children grow up and move on...will my identity be lost?

My bible study is all about confronting our modern-day idols. What is a modern day idol? It's all those things that I mentioned above that we follow to the extent of believing they make us who we are. Our children, husbands, careers, houses, cars, money, physical images. In themselves not bad; but, when we make them so important as to define who we are and we make our lives evolve around them then they have become our idols.

The Israelites wanted a king in old testament days. They approached their prophet Samuel and begged him for a king to rule over them. "And the profound reason they wanted a king over them was so they could be like all the other nations." "The Israelites already had an identity. An amazing one at that - they were the chosen people of God! But as they began to forsake God and follow other gods (their modern day idols), they lost sight of what they had and, most important, who they were."

Wow! This got me thinking...

1Peter 2:9-10 "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."

This is our identity.

"For those of us seeking individualism and distinctiveness, chasing our lusts will only make us like everyone else, with little identity at all."

All of my modern day idols (my husband, children, appearance, popularity) that I try to make up my identity...they are fleeting and can quickly be taken away. And then what? In spite of sounding like a Christian cliche I am truly going to try and embrace my identity in Christ above all else. In Deuteronomy 7 and 14 it says the Lord chose them to be His treasured possession...I am God's treasured possession. Even when I lose patience with my kids, nag my husband, slip up and gossip to a friend, get jealous of someone else's 'things', critique my body too much...I am God's treasured possession.

That is who I am. That is my identity! What is yours?