Conversations outside and inside my head today:
Watching Cinderella movie with Elizabeth for first time. Me: "The shoe fits her." (booo hooo hooo)
"I don't have to" 500 times as I try to put Elizabeth on the potty (day two of potty training). ("Oh yes you do!!!" I'm thinking.)
"She really doesn't get it does she?" The ya-ya's say to the daughter after learning part of her 'sick' mother's past. Made me realize there are probably a lot of things I still "don't get" either.
To Ian after he has tormented me over reading for 10 minutes this afternoon: "You just like to get a reaction out of me, don't you? You think it's funny!"
Ian: smiles a kind of scared but then again not so scared smile at me and says "yes". I KNEW IT!!!!! Years of torment and I have discovered the truth!!!!!
Nate looking for Eli's cub scout book and finding it in cabinet...stuck to the book beside it. Nate: "This book has honey on it and is stuck to the other book!" Me: "You can take comfort in knowing the same crazy things happen to other families." Nate: "Oh, I could say something right now but I won't."
Me: "Go ahead and say it." Nate: "Well it had to be either me or you (meaning "you") and how do 'you' not notice putting a book back in the cabinet with honey on it." Me: "Why do you think I would purposefully put a book coated in honey back in a cabinet?" Nate: "Well wouldn't you feel it sticking as you slid it in?"
Me: no words Nate: "I told you I didn't want to say anything."
Elizabeth seeing me at a weak moment and telling me "Daddy will be home soon." (this is her new favorite thing to tell me when I get upset) or "You need Daddy?"
"Cough...hack...spew...cough..." from Elizabeth's room all night! (she's sick)
"I love you mommy" from Eli going to bed.
Inside my head: "Did I really spend an hour cleaning this kitchen today?"
Jan 27, 2011
Jan 20, 2011
Dear pretty woman at the pool today,
Dear pretty woman at the pool today,
Your daughter was so cute in her bow and swimming suit. (Why do moms put bows in their daughter's hair when they are in the pool...I just really don't get this?)I'm glad that I complimented your daughter's swimming ability at such a young age before my own sweet and precious joy pushed her and made her cry.
I just wanted to write you a letter for future reference. You may want to hang onto this one for the years to come if you have more children and they don't turn out like your very quiet and obedient daughter now.
I too was you...alright it was about nine years ago but I was there! I had a quiet son who wouldn't walk three steps from my side. He was a timid little thing. But that is all I knew and so I thought he was normal...well, I thought that everyone else's child was crazy. =)
I too like yourself looked at the other mother, whose child did something to make my own cry, with horror and shock. "That must be a horrible mother right there. How could she raise such a young child to hit and scream at other children."
I now know what it is like to be on the other side of the mommy odometer. The side marked "bad mother" or "mother of bad child"; so I plead with you to not judge us poor helpless souls.
I have learned that sometimes there is something so powerful in our children that no manner of discipline or love can stop it; this "enemy" I'll call it, otherwise known as genes by the scientific community, or perhaps "birth order" by the sociology community, has a mind of its own. There we stand as mothers who truly, though you may think otherwise, do not want our children to scream at or push or steal toys from your innocent offspring. We stand in shock as our child terrifies the children around them while simultaneously putting us on the witness stand in front of the panel of judges - you other "good mothers" staring at us; all asking "HOW? HOW could you allow your child to become like this?" It is of no use to try and explain. There is no explanation to be given. The embarrassment our, outgoing, energetic, personable, maybe a little reaction seeking, okay let's say attention thriving, oh and there is the strong willed in there too, child brings upon us in public is punishment enough.
So to you young mother I write this in hopes that you will learn from my lesson. Do not judge another mother for what their child is doing, even if it is a painful act set upon your own, because that mother (not in all cases I understand) is probably trying her best to reign in the 'energy' and 'spunk' and 'spirit' of her young tyrant. Love her despite her child...I plead with you.
Sincerely,
The humble and apologetic mother of that said child who caused your little one to cry today at the pool.
P.S. I hope to see you again soon!
Your daughter was so cute in her bow and swimming suit. (Why do moms put bows in their daughter's hair when they are in the pool...I just really don't get this?)I'm glad that I complimented your daughter's swimming ability at such a young age before my own sweet and precious joy pushed her and made her cry.
I just wanted to write you a letter for future reference. You may want to hang onto this one for the years to come if you have more children and they don't turn out like your very quiet and obedient daughter now.
I too was you...alright it was about nine years ago but I was there! I had a quiet son who wouldn't walk three steps from my side. He was a timid little thing. But that is all I knew and so I thought he was normal...well, I thought that everyone else's child was crazy. =)
I too like yourself looked at the other mother, whose child did something to make my own cry, with horror and shock. "That must be a horrible mother right there. How could she raise such a young child to hit and scream at other children."
I now know what it is like to be on the other side of the mommy odometer. The side marked "bad mother" or "mother of bad child"; so I plead with you to not judge us poor helpless souls.
I have learned that sometimes there is something so powerful in our children that no manner of discipline or love can stop it; this "enemy" I'll call it, otherwise known as genes by the scientific community, or perhaps "birth order" by the sociology community, has a mind of its own. There we stand as mothers who truly, though you may think otherwise, do not want our children to scream at or push or steal toys from your innocent offspring. We stand in shock as our child terrifies the children around them while simultaneously putting us on the witness stand in front of the panel of judges - you other "good mothers" staring at us; all asking "HOW? HOW could you allow your child to become like this?" It is of no use to try and explain. There is no explanation to be given. The embarrassment our, outgoing, energetic, personable, maybe a little reaction seeking, okay let's say attention thriving, oh and there is the strong willed in there too, child brings upon us in public is punishment enough.
So to you young mother I write this in hopes that you will learn from my lesson. Do not judge another mother for what their child is doing, even if it is a painful act set upon your own, because that mother (not in all cases I understand) is probably trying her best to reign in the 'energy' and 'spunk' and 'spirit' of her young tyrant. Love her despite her child...I plead with you.
Sincerely,
The humble and apologetic mother of that said child who caused your little one to cry today at the pool.
P.S. I hope to see you again soon!
Jan 18, 2011
Do you ever feel the need to just scream?
Do you ever feel the need to scream at the top of your lungs...maybe at your children or maybe at your dog...and you do everything you can to hold it in through the craziness (whether that be your kids screaming at each other - or at you if you happen to have a two year old - or your precious kids have just done something so bad and humiliating that you want to crawl in a hole - again usually this would involve a two year old - or maybe it is just because your dog chewed up your favorite shoes (or in our house maybe that would be the two year old)...you get where I'm going here)?
So...where was I? Yes, you are holding the scream in or the wailing or the fist hitting or the feet stomping - whatever it is you are holding it in until you can't take it and then it comes out.
And you feel stupid. I hardly ever feel better. Actually I gave myself a headache tonight I screamed so loud and deep (I have a tendency to pull out this deep James Earl Jones (Darth Vader) voice from within). And then all chaos is supposed to stop right? But for me it never does again because I'm dealing with a two year old.
I thought at least she would be shocked and maybe cry a little or be kind of scared that her mom just turned into a Sith Lord in the driver seat and would probably pull out a light saber next and whip it back onto her seat, trying to gain control again from the little people in tow. But no...none of the above. She actually just screams back louder (thinking it is a game I suppose) and then proceeds to get onto me yelling, "Noooooooo!" As if she is the evil emperor himself!
Where is this story coming from (or going for that matter)? I had the perfect day honestly. I went and exercised. Elizabeth did great in the nursery at the sports center. We had a nice lunch together at home. We read books. She laid down for a nap like a perfect angel. I even took a bath (please don't roll your eyes at me) and read some of a book. Then I managed to fold clothes while finishing a movie all while cooking supper for tonight. She woke up...then my busy life began.
But even then it was all okay. I'm trying to figure out where the sane mom stopped and was replaced by the crazy mom.
Did piano lessons. Did boys' hair cuts. Again, everyone was great! Had 30 mts. to rush home and eat the supper I had prepared while doing homework with my first grader (that was a little insane but we managed). I was calm while sister girl threw a bowl of pasta that she didn't happen to have a taste for tonight across the floor. I disciplined her like a champ and we started over with a new bowl. I did this all by myself by the way. I got the extra food I had prepared for a college group we were helping to cook supper for and loaded everyone in the van again, only 5 mts. later then planned.
I met Nate in the parking lot and again traded out kids and food and sent him to one location while I took sister girl into the boys' school for a PTC meeting. (only a few minutes late but everything is going great).
I guess I should back up at this point and think about what I was doing. Yes, I admit that taking a two year old into a PTC meeting at school was pretty stupid. But don't forget I had taken a nice hot bath this afternoon and finished a movie by myself - all things that I NEVER do in the day - SO I think I was delusional at that point. This is sister girl we are talking about.
I'll just draw you a quick picture of what happened next...
spilled cheese nips on gym floor, fold up chairs with a two year old balancing on them then pushing one across said gym floor, two year old realizing her mother gets a very nervous face when she talks loud or decides to sing very loud while adults in room are voting on bylaws, then this two year old decides if she justs gets far enough away from her crazy faced mother she will be out of reach to finally...run around gym fast enough to make her now crazy looking to everyone mother run after her (again while said adults are doing adult things - the opposite of things I'm doing at the moment). I could go on...but I'll stop with this. I realize I made a mistake bringing her and I swallow my pride, collect the baby doll, the book, the cheese nips, the coats, the diaper bag, my purse, all while squeezing her tight against my side and all while she was yelling "good bye" to everyone in the gym.
I know you can't help but love the little thing!
But at that moment I wasn't feeling the love...and so I managed to get in the van all while speaking like "Satan" in a low, hissing voice out through the parking lot and then we pick back up with my story at the beginning of this post. You remember the screaming?
Now let me conclude. After I lost it fist in the van on the ride home and then again at home...still holding a grudge from missing my meeting and now cleaning up yogurt that somehow found its way into a video that was too close to her bowl I suppose...I decided it was bed time. And I told her so. And she agreed after seeing my face.
After something else crazy happened in her bedroom (had to do with wrestling a two year old who was laughing the whole time and me, well not laughing, and then my contact popping out and me, well crying at this point)I finally get the lights turned off and sister girl wrapped in her blanket on my lap in the rocking chair. And do you know what she said?
"You be okay mommy." Elizabeth
"What did you say?" me - stunned
Patting my cheek..."Daddy be home soon. You okay." Kissing my face at this point.
"I"m sorry for yelling at you Elizabeth...but you were a bad girl." me...talking to her like she is my therapist at this point.
She smiles up at me again.
And after all that, really, how can a crazy mother stay crazy?
She is actually a very, very sweet child. I write about her for my sanity and I joke about her often but I know and I must say (for my conscience is getting to me) that she is really a kind hearted child. She is just full of spunk and strong will and life and love for anything that makes her smile (except pasta and mayonnaise for supper) AND SHE IS TWO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. So, I take a deep breath. I write out my woes to bring you some laughter (and make you thankful you aren't in my shoes right now) and I move on. She'll wake up tomorrow and we'll have another fun day together. And I won't take her to an adult meeting...maybe I'll just never go back to an adult meeting. I mean who wants to go to a meeting where you can't run around a gym and sing at the top of your lungs anyway? =)
So...where was I? Yes, you are holding the scream in or the wailing or the fist hitting or the feet stomping - whatever it is you are holding it in until you can't take it and then it comes out.
And you feel stupid. I hardly ever feel better. Actually I gave myself a headache tonight I screamed so loud and deep (I have a tendency to pull out this deep James Earl Jones (Darth Vader) voice from within). And then all chaos is supposed to stop right? But for me it never does again because I'm dealing with a two year old.
I thought at least she would be shocked and maybe cry a little or be kind of scared that her mom just turned into a Sith Lord in the driver seat and would probably pull out a light saber next and whip it back onto her seat, trying to gain control again from the little people in tow. But no...none of the above. She actually just screams back louder (thinking it is a game I suppose) and then proceeds to get onto me yelling, "Noooooooo!" As if she is the evil emperor himself!
Where is this story coming from (or going for that matter)? I had the perfect day honestly. I went and exercised. Elizabeth did great in the nursery at the sports center. We had a nice lunch together at home. We read books. She laid down for a nap like a perfect angel. I even took a bath (please don't roll your eyes at me) and read some of a book. Then I managed to fold clothes while finishing a movie all while cooking supper for tonight. She woke up...then my busy life began.
But even then it was all okay. I'm trying to figure out where the sane mom stopped and was replaced by the crazy mom.
Did piano lessons. Did boys' hair cuts. Again, everyone was great! Had 30 mts. to rush home and eat the supper I had prepared while doing homework with my first grader (that was a little insane but we managed). I was calm while sister girl threw a bowl of pasta that she didn't happen to have a taste for tonight across the floor. I disciplined her like a champ and we started over with a new bowl. I did this all by myself by the way. I got the extra food I had prepared for a college group we were helping to cook supper for and loaded everyone in the van again, only 5 mts. later then planned.
I met Nate in the parking lot and again traded out kids and food and sent him to one location while I took sister girl into the boys' school for a PTC meeting. (only a few minutes late but everything is going great).
I guess I should back up at this point and think about what I was doing. Yes, I admit that taking a two year old into a PTC meeting at school was pretty stupid. But don't forget I had taken a nice hot bath this afternoon and finished a movie by myself - all things that I NEVER do in the day - SO I think I was delusional at that point. This is sister girl we are talking about.
I'll just draw you a quick picture of what happened next...
spilled cheese nips on gym floor, fold up chairs with a two year old balancing on them then pushing one across said gym floor, two year old realizing her mother gets a very nervous face when she talks loud or decides to sing very loud while adults in room are voting on bylaws, then this two year old decides if she justs gets far enough away from her crazy faced mother she will be out of reach to finally...run around gym fast enough to make her now crazy looking to everyone mother run after her (again while said adults are doing adult things - the opposite of things I'm doing at the moment). I could go on...but I'll stop with this. I realize I made a mistake bringing her and I swallow my pride, collect the baby doll, the book, the cheese nips, the coats, the diaper bag, my purse, all while squeezing her tight against my side and all while she was yelling "good bye" to everyone in the gym.
I know you can't help but love the little thing!
But at that moment I wasn't feeling the love...and so I managed to get in the van all while speaking like "Satan" in a low, hissing voice out through the parking lot and then we pick back up with my story at the beginning of this post. You remember the screaming?
Now let me conclude. After I lost it fist in the van on the ride home and then again at home...still holding a grudge from missing my meeting and now cleaning up yogurt that somehow found its way into a video that was too close to her bowl I suppose...I decided it was bed time. And I told her so. And she agreed after seeing my face.
After something else crazy happened in her bedroom (had to do with wrestling a two year old who was laughing the whole time and me, well not laughing, and then my contact popping out and me, well crying at this point)I finally get the lights turned off and sister girl wrapped in her blanket on my lap in the rocking chair. And do you know what she said?
"You be okay mommy." Elizabeth
"What did you say?" me - stunned
Patting my cheek..."Daddy be home soon. You okay." Kissing my face at this point.
"I"m sorry for yelling at you Elizabeth...but you were a bad girl." me...talking to her like she is my therapist at this point.
She smiles up at me again.
And after all that, really, how can a crazy mother stay crazy?
She is actually a very, very sweet child. I write about her for my sanity and I joke about her often but I know and I must say (for my conscience is getting to me) that she is really a kind hearted child. She is just full of spunk and strong will and life and love for anything that makes her smile (except pasta and mayonnaise for supper) AND SHE IS TWO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. So, I take a deep breath. I write out my woes to bring you some laughter (and make you thankful you aren't in my shoes right now) and I move on. She'll wake up tomorrow and we'll have another fun day together. And I won't take her to an adult meeting...maybe I'll just never go back to an adult meeting. I mean who wants to go to a meeting where you can't run around a gym and sing at the top of your lungs anyway? =)
Jan 14, 2011
I had already hung the curtains...
We were so close. I had done what a friend told me not to do, "don't go and hang the curtains!" Referring of course to decorating the new house I had found before my real house was sold. And I did it...
But only because my Realtor told me to expect a contract on the house the first of January. And you can figure out by now that it fell through. I waited and waited...I've imagined all kinds of things in my waiting but when I finally found out yesterday it wasn't good news.
This man was going to buy our house for his parents to move in from up north to be close to him and his family. It would have been perfect...for them and us. He even got a paint color from me because he was going to paint the living room (no, he didn't like the chocolate brown either) the color of our bedroom. But then this week his dad called him and said they wouldn't move. I guess their family is dealing with bigger disappointment then we are this week.
"Back to square one...stay positive...the right family will come around..." that is what my Realtor left on my voice mail. Of course I was heartbroken when I heard the message but I didn't stay sad for too long yesterday. I realized the truth of my state right now. I have a warm, lovely house to live in. We have plenty of room right now and no hurry to move anywhere. I only hope that the house I have already bought counter tops and painted the cabinets for in my head will stay on the market until we can buy it.
As of right now I will just start cleaning my house once again and wait...
But only because my Realtor told me to expect a contract on the house the first of January. And you can figure out by now that it fell through. I waited and waited...I've imagined all kinds of things in my waiting but when I finally found out yesterday it wasn't good news.
This man was going to buy our house for his parents to move in from up north to be close to him and his family. It would have been perfect...for them and us. He even got a paint color from me because he was going to paint the living room (no, he didn't like the chocolate brown either) the color of our bedroom. But then this week his dad called him and said they wouldn't move. I guess their family is dealing with bigger disappointment then we are this week.
"Back to square one...stay positive...the right family will come around..." that is what my Realtor left on my voice mail. Of course I was heartbroken when I heard the message but I didn't stay sad for too long yesterday. I realized the truth of my state right now. I have a warm, lovely house to live in. We have plenty of room right now and no hurry to move anywhere. I only hope that the house I have already bought counter tops and painted the cabinets for in my head will stay on the market until we can buy it.
As of right now I will just start cleaning my house once again and wait...
Jan 8, 2011
The age old debate...
I have been thinking a lot lately about me as a person, separate from a mother or a wife. I recently toiled with the idea of getting a job (a real job...a paying job rather) to help out with the new monthly budget my husband finally created (that was an eye opening experience) but also to use my brain again (not that coming up with clever ways to keep sister girl's diaper on doesn't make me use my brain!)
I called a few friends who work, both part time and full time, and asked lots of questions. What I found out was one, I am way out of my league thinking I can just step into a professional job after ten years of being at home; and two, I have no idea what I would do with my sweet sister girl. Those two facts alone froze me into inaction.
I have thought a lot about the fact that when a woman chooses to stay at home for an extended amount of time she chooses to give up her chance of staying enticing to those in her field of expertise. Even friends of mine who were teachers have had a hard time competing with those who didn't take 'time off' to raise their young ones. Of course I have learned that field is probably the easiest to return to. Sure I can get a job as a secretary (well if I can use their computer I suppose) or a teacher's aid or some other lower paying job but knowing I have a college degree for goodness sakes I think can't I do better? I realize the answer might just be no. I will probably have to start at the ground level and prove myself worthy to work back up the ranks of career woman...when I decide to make the plunge back into high heels and cute looking hair styles.
But then...how I could even accomplish this feat unless I put my child in full time daycare and then what about the other kids in this house? What happens when someone is sick and can't go to school? What about those stinking early dismissal days they throw at us each month? Snow days, fall break, winter break, spring break...SUMMER?????? How do women do it?
Usually the answer I'm finding is family. They have a grandmother to keep the kids or I know some have college babysitters they rely on. But standing from the outside of it all in my pajamas at home with sister girl playing freely in her room and knowing I will be the one to pick up the boys after school and visit with them about their day and oversee their homework and play with them before supper I just can't fathom how I would take the plunge into that chaos?
I see one answer of having family around to help but I also see the other answer is how much one gets paid. If you can enter back into a field that pays well enough to make it worth it then that is another story. To have enough money to pay for a nanny to keep your child at home while they are still little or to pick up your preschooler from school early in the day or your older children at 3:00. To pay for a good quality after school care or even a good quality preschool all day as opposed to a daycare...or a very good daycare even. It all takes money...and it would mean getting a job that paid me well enough to make it worth doing all that. Which means having the experience or 'good fortune' to land a job in the first place.
While toiling with the idea of working again I really had no intention of working full time but was looking at a part time gig. Truth of the matter is I don't want to work full time. If I had to then I would but I'm used to our lifestyle on a teacher's salary for the time being. I know I will feel different once all my children are in school but until then I just don't know if I could part with Elizabeth all day five days a week. (I know I'm making some of you roll your eyes!)
I wonder if I'll need to return to school to pursue more 'education' and 'training' in a specific field before I am thought of as qualified enough to take on a new profession. The idea of this is actually exciting and one that would be plausible after the other adult in this house would please finish his life long career of going to graduate school! I have two women in my life, both my mother and my mother-in-law, who waited until their children were well into school (one waited until her children were actually grown up) to go back to finish college and pursue a professional career. My mother was in her late thirties I am guessing when she earned her master's degree and started (yes started) teaching at the college. Now she only has four years until she can retire. My mother-in-law became a nurse after she turned forty! I know there is much time in my future to pursue great things if I can just have patience.
Until then I suppose I will continue to be creative with making money and making ends meet. I have done it the past ten years, always finding some new way to make a small income and pursue my creative outlet (even if this often included changing other children's diapers and wiping their noses while playing ring around the roses!)
In the mean time I just wanted to share my thoughts with the other women reading this blog about the age old story of women wanting to work versus still carrying the responsibility for the children. Your thoughts are welcome.
I called a few friends who work, both part time and full time, and asked lots of questions. What I found out was one, I am way out of my league thinking I can just step into a professional job after ten years of being at home; and two, I have no idea what I would do with my sweet sister girl. Those two facts alone froze me into inaction.
I have thought a lot about the fact that when a woman chooses to stay at home for an extended amount of time she chooses to give up her chance of staying enticing to those in her field of expertise. Even friends of mine who were teachers have had a hard time competing with those who didn't take 'time off' to raise their young ones. Of course I have learned that field is probably the easiest to return to. Sure I can get a job as a secretary (well if I can use their computer I suppose) or a teacher's aid or some other lower paying job but knowing I have a college degree for goodness sakes I think can't I do better? I realize the answer might just be no. I will probably have to start at the ground level and prove myself worthy to work back up the ranks of career woman...when I decide to make the plunge back into high heels and cute looking hair styles.
But then...how I could even accomplish this feat unless I put my child in full time daycare and then what about the other kids in this house? What happens when someone is sick and can't go to school? What about those stinking early dismissal days they throw at us each month? Snow days, fall break, winter break, spring break...SUMMER?????? How do women do it?
Usually the answer I'm finding is family. They have a grandmother to keep the kids or I know some have college babysitters they rely on. But standing from the outside of it all in my pajamas at home with sister girl playing freely in her room and knowing I will be the one to pick up the boys after school and visit with them about their day and oversee their homework and play with them before supper I just can't fathom how I would take the plunge into that chaos?
I see one answer of having family around to help but I also see the other answer is how much one gets paid. If you can enter back into a field that pays well enough to make it worth it then that is another story. To have enough money to pay for a nanny to keep your child at home while they are still little or to pick up your preschooler from school early in the day or your older children at 3:00. To pay for a good quality after school care or even a good quality preschool all day as opposed to a daycare...or a very good daycare even. It all takes money...and it would mean getting a job that paid me well enough to make it worth doing all that. Which means having the experience or 'good fortune' to land a job in the first place.
While toiling with the idea of working again I really had no intention of working full time but was looking at a part time gig. Truth of the matter is I don't want to work full time. If I had to then I would but I'm used to our lifestyle on a teacher's salary for the time being. I know I will feel different once all my children are in school but until then I just don't know if I could part with Elizabeth all day five days a week. (I know I'm making some of you roll your eyes!)
I wonder if I'll need to return to school to pursue more 'education' and 'training' in a specific field before I am thought of as qualified enough to take on a new profession. The idea of this is actually exciting and one that would be plausible after the other adult in this house would please finish his life long career of going to graduate school! I have two women in my life, both my mother and my mother-in-law, who waited until their children were well into school (one waited until her children were actually grown up) to go back to finish college and pursue a professional career. My mother was in her late thirties I am guessing when she earned her master's degree and started (yes started) teaching at the college. Now she only has four years until she can retire. My mother-in-law became a nurse after she turned forty! I know there is much time in my future to pursue great things if I can just have patience.
Until then I suppose I will continue to be creative with making money and making ends meet. I have done it the past ten years, always finding some new way to make a small income and pursue my creative outlet (even if this often included changing other children's diapers and wiping their noses while playing ring around the roses!)
In the mean time I just wanted to share my thoughts with the other women reading this blog about the age old story of women wanting to work versus still carrying the responsibility for the children. Your thoughts are welcome.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
