Christmas gifts and today marks the end...

Yes, Christmas has come and gone...it was wonderful actually. Elizabeth was old enough to talk about what she wanted (a baby doll) and she really grasped onto the "baby Jesus" part of the Christmas story.

We had some wonderful surprises for all the kids on Christmas morning. The best I think was a piano we had searched for but was actually given to us by my sister's mother-in-law. It was delivered Christmas Eve while I drove the kids around the neighborhood, so they wouldn't see it. We were able to get Ian inside late that night after celebrating with family and he didn't even see it all covered up right beside his bedroom. He woke up the next morning and ran into our room asking, "what is that huge box in the living room?" (I loved saying, "it's for you Ian...let's go see what it is.") He immediately sat down and played jingle bells; the one Christmas song he has memorized.

Eli was surprised by a real grown up Trek bike that Nate had searched high and low for on Craig's list (losing each of his bids) but finally finding a few days before Christmas in Nashville.


And of course Elizabeth got her prized possession...a real baby doll. No, I mean really it was like a real baby. It, I mean she, really sucks a pacifier, coohs, cries for mama, then goes to sleep by making breathing noises with it's, I mean her, chest rising up and down. Elizabeth didn't even laugh or jump up and down rather she looked very serious and picked her new baby up then started rocking her very serious like. I think up until a few days ago she thought the doll was real. Oh, and you can see from the picture the answer is yes to "is that an African American baby?" I was trying to promote multiracial love thank you!

We were able to see all of our family except Aunt Hannah (Nate's sister) who is coming home this Sunday! But thanks to Skype she watched us open presents at their parents' house on Christmas eve.

And it was baby Ayden's (Nate's other sister's first baby) first Christmas.


But enough with all that...the most monumental event of our lives took place today. No, we didn't sell our house today (although we hear that might happen very soon) and we didn't win the lottery (it would probably help if we bought a ticket)rather sister girl made the plunge and climbed out of her crib, altering history and our lives forever.

I remember the days that followed this event in both my boys' lives years ago. The moment when you sit down in the living room after tucking your young precious angel into their crib like you have for the last 24 months or so and then you hear the door creep open and next you see out of the corner of your eye a little shadow munch-kin toddling towards your peaceful existence in the adult world (not to be peaceful again for about another two years when they are old enough to know better or maybe just worn out from the years of fighting their parents in the "I don't want to stay in bed" battle.)

We've been through it all with the boys. We've had locks on doors, slept in their beds until they fell asleep, laid on the floor beside their beds, spanked, yelled, threatened, rewarded, had them sleep with us for crying out loud...it was just a dark chapter in our lives times two. Well, now maybe times three.

But Elizabeth is different than the boys I have to admit. She is bold like her brother Ian (and a little crazy like him as well - streaking, running down the street full speed away from us, sneaky) but she is more timid like her biggest brother Eli (jumping and screaming if she gets spooked, climbs up most things but is too scared to climb back down, etc.) I am hoping if I play this more timid card it will go in my favor.

Tonight she crawled out once and (luckily) hurt her foot. So I was able to say again, "see if you crawl out of your crib you could really hurt something like break your arm or foot or knock your head (off)". I don't hear anything yet and she seemed to take me very serious when I was pointing out the multiple ways her body could become damaged from this crib of hers. (now if only that worked when I told her if she ran into the street a car would come along and hit her and it would hurt very bad...or if she ran off in a store a stranger would take her away from me. And I wonder why she wakes up screaming at night.)...I digress!

Of course I always have plan B...the duct tape. I figured after I get through wrapping it around her diaper in our nightly ritual I'll just attach the end to each side of her crib. Seeing how I have had two family members (both the grandmothers) suggest this as well I don't think it is so inhumane. I'm off to listen for little feet on the floor!!! (or a big thump and a scream!!!) And don't worry I've got extra duct tape in the garage!

Identity Theft or "don't rent houses from men in Africa""

It's as close to identity theft as I've ever been. Our home has been "for rent" for a whopping $700 a month this past week on Craig's list. And all you need to do to rent this fabulous house (pictures included) is fill out some supposedly official looking paperwork and mail your $700 to a man who happens to live in Africa (that is why he can't show you the house himself). And would you believe people have fallen for this crap? (Oh yeah I said crap!!!)

It wasn't a big deal in my mind until first a woman showed up in our driveway when we weren't home and was seen walking around our yard checking out our house. I'm sure she was trying to look inside to see what was up with this 'rental' house b/c it appeared that people lived here AND THERE IS A FOR SALE SIGN IN THE YARD!!! (my neighbor was texting me while this was happening - remember my personal spy next door with the cookie tray?) I told her it was okay (thinking it was a prospective buyer) as long as the woman didn't disappear into our house and then leave with a t.v. or computer!

But...then a man shows up at my door yesterday, with his old pick up truck and 'buddy' in the driveway, telling me he's here about the rental! I held back my anger that I was wanting to lash out on the real criminal and tried to be kind to this scam victim. I explained to the man quickly (through a locked storm door) that it was a scam and our house was not for rent rather for sale (SEE THE SIGN THERE IN THE FRONT YARD THAT YOU DROVE BY) and I hoped he hadn't sent the man any money.

And then this naive man started trying to persuade me the validity of the situation, "But I have been talking to him on e-mail, Nate Callender is his name (yes, that is my husband's name whom he stole his identity to set up an e-mail account) and he sent me paperwork to fill out." He was having a hard time accepting this truth of the matter while standing there gazing at my beautiful chocolate brown living room walls through our shiny glass storm door!

I wanted to say....well, if you want to buy it I can hook you up with the REALTOR ADVERTISED RIGHT THERE ON THAT SIGN IN MY YARD GOOF BALL! but I was nice and just kept repeating myself..."It's a scam...don't send any money in!" (Goof ball....)

And then he turned around with a shocked expression, not telling me he was sorry for bothering me or that my husband had been a victim of identity theft or that every crazy person in middle Tn. now had seen my chocolate brown living room and my bed for goodness sakes on Craig's list! He just walked away.

So...hopefully this drama will play out this week and be over. I do hope no one sent money to this "African" rental scam artist. I have had some strong male friends offer to take turns standing outside my house with a fire arm or two until this blows over but I think I can handle it!

Lesson to you all...don't rent any houses that have beautiful chocolate brown walls and are "newly decorated" for $700 a month but you have to mail in money to traveling African men who promise to mail you a key to the house!

Cookie Baking Time

Baking Christmas cookies is a tradition in my family. I love making dozens of them at once and then giving them away, as well as keeping just a few for my family and those visitors during the holiday season. I have made the same types of cookies since I was first married. They are tried and true, always bake well, don't have too many ingredients and well...they are delicious! These two are passed down from my mother and I wanted to share them with you. I had a little helper this day so I hope her participation inspires you to try these as well this Christmas.

Spritz Cookies
1 cup butter softened, 1/2 cup sugar, 2 1/4 cups flour, 1/2 tsp. salt, 1 egg, 1 tsp. vanilla.
Heat oven 400 degrees





add room temperature softened butter (2 sticks)

add sugar

Mix medium speed until creamy

add one egg

add vanilla

add salt

add flour a little at a time and mix

"Stop eating the dough!!!"

choose your food coloring. I pick green and red b/c of the shapes I'm going to make.

wash your mixers between coloring. I split the dough into two bowls and prepare the coloring for pushing out the cookie shapes.


Pump out your shapes. This may take practice if you have never done it before.


"Don't eat the dough!"

Bake 9 minutes till set (not brown). Makes 5 dozen cookies (I got 72 cookies out of this batch).

Wedding Cookies
A great cookie recipe for showers or tea parties or for Christmas! Reminds me of snowy days!

Heat oven to 325 degrees

1 cup of flour

3 tbl. sugar

1 stick softened butter (not melted!)

Mix together. I made two batches. One I added 1/2 cup chopped pecans.

This is what your dough will look like. It comes out very crumbly so you will need to use your hands to really knead together. The heat of your hands helps the dough to stick.

Roll into grape sized balls.

I also form crescents with my hands. These are actually easier to keep stuck together.

Bake on ungreased cookie sheet 9-10 mts. Take out of oven and let them set for a minute.

Lay them on wax paper covered in powdered sugar to coat the bottom. Sprinkle powdered sugar on the top. The more the better in my opinion!

Snowy, sugary goodness right there! Let them sit to cool off with the sugar on top for a few minutes before moving.

Then you just have to watch out for husbands who sneak into the kitchen and try to eat your goodies before you give them away!

These freeze really good too for later!

Merry Christmas and happy cooking!

I'm living in a fish bowl!

I feel like I'm living in a fish bowl. Except I'm like a bottom dweller that constantly cleans up his surroundings to keep his environment clean (and well fill his belly but that part isn't me okay?).

What do I do most days? Clean. Honestly...I clean! I never considered myself OCD (I don't even really understand that term b/c people misuse it so much) but I think I might fit the bill now.

Having your house on the market is no easy task. They all warned me. I smiled back at everyone and shook my head that yes I was ready for the adventure. I was ready to clean, to move out almost all of my personal possessions, to live out of my garage (where all my stuff seems to have gone), to be ready at any hour to show my house. But right when I thought I was going to have a nervous cleaning breakdown (and my hands look horrible you guys --- so dry and cracked --- I really think I need a manicure!) a shark is circling.

Literally...we have watched them drive by a few times scoping us out. So, I do honestly feel like I'm in a fish bowl!

They looked Saturday (that was a crazy call...I don't recommend leaving one's cell phone at home while running around with the family on a Saturday morning). When they finally got us through Nate's cell phone we raced home and cleaned like crazy and sped out of the house. They took the bite. (Now I realize I have turned into the fishermen here so just go with me okay?)

They wanted to look again. It was between us and two other houses.

Round two. I was ready for this. It was like being in a call back of a beauty contest (come on now I'm from the South and almost everyone in my town was in at least one pageant...well I admit I was in more then one). But that excitement you feel when the MC calls out your name from the sweaty girl's locker room while you stand in your sequin mermaid skin tight dress with marshmallow taffeta sleeves bunched around your hot rolled bouffant hair (I sound beautiful don't I?).

They wanted a second look. I scrubbed. I made all the faucets shine. I even made the wood furniture reflect my image as I walked by. The windows sparkled. The house was ready for the judges last look. This was it. They would either love it or move on to the next contestant.

My neighbor spied out her window and called me giving me updates. They had stayed almost thirty minutes. I had thought to ask her (my neighbor) if she would stand outside with fresh baked cookies and happen to offer them one as she walking to the neighbors with her son to sing Christmas carols but I didn't think she would like me too much after that request.

And then last night I got the response e-mail. They love the house! But now the game begins...they say it is overpriced...so this is where my Realtor will show off her talent I guess and I will stay out of the way and pray! (of course I don't think it is overpriced but we did put a little cushion in there...a cushion I would rather stay but you know I tend to be partial to my beautiful brown living room and sour apple kitchen!)

But then there is the flip side to this whole business. We must find a house. I looked at three houses for the first time today. I was so thoroughly disappointed that I wanted to cry all the way home.

What's up with people not 'staging' their houses like I was told I had to do. What's up with people NOT CLEANING their houses if they want to sell it. What's up with people having BRASS LIGHTS when I was told I would HAVE to replace mine with updated fixtures if I wanted to sell! What's up with people having carpet so old and stained I wouldn't let a dog sleep on it!

And they are asking so much money for their houses!!!!!

I thought this was a freaking buyer's market!!!!!!!

Now that I got that out...sorry, I am just having my eyes opened to the realty of the housing market right now and the fact that not everyone does what their realtor tells them to do in order to sell their house! But I am truly trying to exercise patience and trust that the perfect house (even if it has big stains on the floor) will come along and hit me in the forehead and I will just know that my family will love it (once we buy new flooring and paint)!

Until then...I'm back to cleaning (got another viewer tomorrow) and back to searching zillow.com!

The secrets of the night

There is a time that occurs each night when the children are in bed and the adults of the house get to let loose and play. The time varies each night depending on how awake the little ones are upon the golden hour: how many times you have to fill glasses of water, hear the toilet flush, kiss goodnight, confirm again that it is indeed time to go to bed, convince them that they really will fall asleep if they just close their eyes and quit moving around.

When it becomes very quiet in the house you know it is time...to play!

All children wonder what their parents do late at night. The older they get the more intrigued they are to find out. Eli is a night owl (and a rooster)and has been known to stay awake past the time his parents have fallen asleep in bed. "I stayed up later then you last night!" he'll boast the next morning. Don't worry...he doesn't try to sneak out of the house (he's too scared) but just reads or draws in bed (or eaves drops on our movies). Now if it was Ian doing this I would have an electric fence turned on around the house!

Well...this past Saturday evening it happened. Eli came in late in the night as usual and smiled his mischievous smile saying, "what's ya'll doing?" I was about to spit out the same old words I always do, "go get in bed Eli" but this time I didn't. "Do you want to draw at the table with me while I paint?" I asked. Eli's face lit up. "Really?" he questioned and ran to grab a drawing tablet and pencil.

And so began the unveiling of the secrets of the night with adults. He got to watch silly giant monster fish shows on the internet with his dad while I painted a canvas and Nate graded papers. We all had a snack around 10pm...of course what adults eat when kids are in bed...chips and even a little peanut butter sandwich for the two guys. Eli thought he was big stuff...I felt giddy that I was letting him be a part of the big world for once...and we all actually had fun just hanging out together.

It was way too late to admit when we finally decided to go to bed. Of course the next morning Eli couldn't hold back the excitement of the night and made sure to tell Ian that he had stayed up late with mom and dad and watched crazy monster fish movies and ate chips! Ian didn't seem phased by the desired jealousy from his older brother (I think he was glad he got to sleep!)

Now when this coming Saturday night gets here...I think I'll have to practice saying those words, "get back in bed Eli" once again. We can't let too many secrets of the night out of the bag!

New traditions and the same old turkey

It's one of the two times a year we allow ourselves to eat a full meal just during the appetizer course, then another during the dinner course, and once we are fully stuffed we force ourselves to yet again try everyone's homemade pie (including the pumpkin pie that the seven year old made). We want everyone to feel appreciated of course.

My family started a few new traditions this year. It helped that we were at my sister's house in Nashville. A big house. With a huge empty lot down the street.

I credit her for being quite the organized hostess. It might have sprung from our past Thanksgiving/Christmas gatherings where at least one member of either side of the family ended up in the hospital for some reason or other. We laugh at this fact now don't worry!

When we entered her home we were all hit with such a tantalizing aroma coming from the oven I would have agreed to anything she requested. Her husband was baking a special homemade turkey, freshly bought not frozen he bragged with due rights, and other sweet treats that filled the air with smells of spices. Once we fully discussed the main guest for the day, the turkey, we were introduced to the schedule.

Don't laugh. You'll be using one next year.

My sophisticated sister had mapped out the day's activities with times and foods to be eaten as well as activities and conversational moments. We all giggled but it actually kept our large family on task.

12:00 eat lunch - ham sandwiches (we did 'left overs' before the main meal...it actually worked out nicely)

1:00-3:00 play time. We all traversed across the street not letting the drizzling rain deter our playful moods. The three little boys (not being so little anymore and all confident from their past soccer season experience, believing they could 'whoop' up on some old people's booties I'm sure) were jumping around us slow moving adults with glee as they began to kick the soccer ball. Teams were formed (and reformed, and then formed again as to a child's liking at any given moment)and the game began. It was fun making myself run up and down our imaginary soccer field with the boys and going head to head with my brother-in-law (an avid soccer player) and my husband (a self made soccer coach who has a competitive spirit like non other). I at least had my dad who was keeping up with the younger men quite well and cheering his two daughters on for actually running around while trying to keep the little boys focused on playing with the right team! Then there was Jane...the spunky four year old in her pajamas that insisted on her mother carrying her until she became quite engulfed in a stick and a large nut of some kind in a neighbor's yard. After an hour of running and sweating profusely, trying not to pass out in front of my nine year old, I threw in the flag and opted to "go check on the sleeping baby" and the grandmother who was pulling childcare duty back at the house with the two littlest girls. Not soon after the door flew open and a barrage of sweaty, dirty clothed, muddy faced soccer players triumphantly waltzed in ready for baths and a change of clothes. What was next on the schedule dear sister?

3:00-4:00 Appetizers and conversation
As often happens with multiple kids and various ages represented the adults get spread out around the house not actually carrying on a full conversation the entire day of being together. This wasn't going to happen today. Not at our Thanksgiving!
After cleaning up and putting on our official Thanksgiving attire we quickly put together the appetizers on plates and rushed them out to the front living room (away from all little hands). A movie was put on. "Who's watching the baby?" was asked a few times and then we were forced, oh I mean we were asked, to sit in a circle around the appetizers and have conversation. After the older people in the family laughed a little behind our backs we actually had a nice chat. Education, the latest NPR story, developments in our children, family history were all discussed briefly. Then a baby was crying, "where's the baby?" and the toddler was stuck upstairs and the turkey needed turning. It was nice while it lasted.

After that more taking turns playing with kids, watching toddlers, rescuing the baby, preparing the Thanksgiving feast and starting and stopping conversations along the way carried us through to the next scheduled event. The Thanksgiving feast!

5:00 The china was pulled out. The mother-in-law's silver, all polished and shiny, was properly distributed. Name cards were strategically placed and then replaced. Hands were washed. Children were served. The prayer was given. And slowly the adults one by one sat down.

And then it happened.

Looking around that room with the children at one table trying not to get in trouble for being too rowdy and my grown up loved ones around me we each realized at one moment or other how blessed we were. Everyone relaxed. Conversation flowed. Drinks were poured. The famous turkey was devoured. Complements were dished out as fast as side dishes were. Dirty looks were shot at the kid table, laughter came at times, awkwardness as well...all that comes when a family gathers together.

6:00ish - The darkness outside brought with it different waves of volunteers taking turns washing dishes and putting up food, playing with children, and dividing out left-overs.

7:00 - A group photo session, surprisingly quick and painless, and then coffee and games to follow. An unexpected spend the nighter with children laid precariously around the house in different beds and rooms concluded with hugs good night. Exhaustion over took each of the adults as we crashed early into our assigned beds.

I think the schedule will be replicated again next year and I know the rematch soccer tournament will be carried out again! I hope everyone had a fun filled, drama free, family friendly Thanksgiving as well!

Scary momma!

Tonight Ian told me I didn't have to dress up for Halloween because I was already scary. Not scary in the "ugly" factor but rather in the "Oh my you scare the daylights out of me with that stink eye look mom!" kind of scary.

I didn't quite know how to take this comment. You have to know Ian though. He tells it like it is. But then again he has gotten the scary look from me a lot today so I guess I did my job well.

What I have to decide is do I want to be thought of as scary from my kids? .... okay that was enough thinking, Yes! I very much do! =) (I say this with a laugh you know!)

I proceeded to tell Ian in a very pouty voice "well that hurts my feelings Ian." Which in turn made him say, "oh mom you aren't scary you are very kind." (but he said this with an impish grin!!!)

I tell you what! I turned around and gave that little booger a "scary look" and sent him on his way! And if he thinks I look scary now wait till he is sixteen and tries to sneak a lie past me with his buddies. Oh, then he'll see scary momma alright...I'm just warming up little fella, just warming up!

It is official...

I think it has been almost two months now that we decided to put our house on the market and test the waters. Now it has been 24 hours that we officially have been on the market. (if you want to us look us up on realtracs to see the wonderful pictures the man took let me know and I'll send you my street address - don't want any pervs who might be reading this to know what my bedspread looks like!) hee hee

When Nate and I bought this house it was our first house purchase. We were 29 and 30 years old. We had a four and two year old. We were so excited to be back in Murfreesboro after being gone for the past four years. But we both had mixed emotions.

Nate thought the house was too much. Some of our family thought there were 'things' about it that turned them off. I thought it was perfect, although a lot smaller then the house we were renting, and I had a clear vision for it.

Before we moved in Nate, my dad and his dad all came up for a week and camped out on the floor. They laid wood floor, painted each room and cleaned up a bit. Then we moved in. I remember looking at the neighborhood and the backyard and that big old fence and just knowing I had finally achieved the American Dream. We owned our first house. We had been patient, we had been smart, we had saved, and we didn't buy too much house. It was perfect.

I have had many many moments of sheer jealousy towards friends in the larger houses while I lived with my family in such tight quarters. But I have learned so much from living this simpler life. I have learned that less is truly better. The kids don't need so many toys. The boys have learned so much by having to share a room and all that it entails. As a family we have learned to truly 'live' together in these close walls and not run away from each other to do our own thing (although that was wished many times). I have learned to be smart with organizing things and have learned to donate many, many things when no longer needed. I have learned that the smaller the house the less time required to clean it! (my favorite one!)

But now...I am almost embarrassed to admit that my jealous desire to have a larger house might come true. Not that there is anything wrong so to speak with having a larger house but I honestly feel Americans have spoiled themselves to such a degree that they don't understand what it truly means to live a more simple life. In searching for a new house Nate and I agreed that it can't cost us much more then we are paying now and that we will be in prayer the whole time so as to keep control over our selfish desires to want more then we need. I would much rather be able to give still the excess I have each month then to pay more for a giant house! (but I have to tell myself this over and over as I view these beautiful houses for sale)

So...to the present day.

We have now fixed the house up to perfection in my eyes. We replaced the ugly light fixture over the kitchen table and over the bathroom sink. We replaced the bathroom floor that had water spots for all these years. We fixed the holes in the wall. We painted (that ugly green color in the kids' bathroom finally). We (I) have cleaned till my heart is content. And now we must wait. I truly am praying that the perfect family will move into this tiny but loved home and find such joy and happiness that we have found while living here. I also pray that God will lead us to a house that our family can grow and stretch in together in the years to come and still serve Him to help and bless others.

What is church really supposed to look like?

I have a precious friend who no longer lives near me but rather on the (what feels like) other side of the world as a missionary. She recently posted on her family's blog about what she would do different if she moved back to the states after having this experience.

The overall theme of touching other's lives no matter where you live resonated with me as I live in my little bubble of Murfreesboro, TN. She talked about how the 'church' isn't supposed to be four walls but rather the 'community' of believers in Christ gathering together and gathering with others who might not be followers to support, encourage and enable each other in His name.

I thought a lot about that as I continued to go to my little baptist church and sit up in the balcony listening to the preacher and fellowshipping with other believers who I felt 'safe' with. There is supposed to be something more. Christ intended more for his followers! But how? Where? What?

Then an exciting thing happened. I met a woman, actually in my church who was just visiting with friends. I assumed she was a Christian. Because aren't all people who come into a church believers? (I say this with sarcasm) I immediately started to talk with her and we made a connection. She was from China but here with her family teaching at MTSU.

Long story short...

She ended up telling Nate later that she was not a Christian but was interested in our faith. At this point I was back in my bubble of life and she her own as well. But this is when it hit me. This is what my friend's blog was about. This is what Jesus talks about in the bible. This is the opportunity I have before me...to choose to get out of my comfort zone and pursue a relationship with someone who doesn't know me and may not want to hear what I have to say about my faith or maybe she does. The only way to know is to ask her. So I do...

I called her and asked her to coffee. Then later through e-mail we decide upon a night out and we met. It was the most wonderful hour of conversation I have had in awhile. We both related to each other as mothers, women, our interest in communications, personal goals and career goals but then also our need for something more in life to sustain us, to get us through the hard times, to give us peace and wisdom. For me that is completely my faith in Jesus Christ. And that is what she unashamedly wanted to know about.

I didn't beat her over the head with the bible. I didn't lecture to her. I related to her. I shared my story, my struggles, my desires for my own children in their walk of faith.

When we left that evening we both agreed we needed to do it again at some point in the future amidst our busy schedules. She is going to start reading Matthew in the new testament and I promised to pray for her as she is truly seeking God in her life for the first time. A friendship was born and hopefully a new life in Christ will be born out of that night as well.

I am not proud of myself for anything that I did on my own. I am humbled that God used me to reach out of my comfort zone and risk feeling rejected so that He could touch another person's life. That is what 'church' is all about. That is what the Christian faith is all about. That is what I want to be all about!

From Elmo to bumble bees...

In usual Sarah fashion, I allowed myself to be talked into making this gigantic Elmo cake AND decorating it with homemade icing by my husband (who kept saying, "we can do it Sarah...it will be easy!" but then who never really had time to 'help do it'...but he did make chili so I guess he is somewhat off the hook, oh and he did watch the kids for 24 hours alone while I went on a girls' weekend with my mom and sister...)

It took all of two days, a couple of hours here and a couple of hours there, and lots of advice from multiple friends. Elmo didn't turn out too bad and Elizabeth thought it was "ohhhhhhh" so great!



We had her birthday a few days after she actually turned two just b/c of our CRAZY schedules but she didn't know the difference. Of course I don't think I'll ever have her party right before trick or treating again. It went kind of like this...

Hurry eat chili...okay, everyone hurry get in here and sing happy birthday...okay, now give her some presents...oh, wait where are the boys' costumes...hurry go put on your costumes...someone give Elizabeth some of her cake...put baby powder in Eli's hair outside for his costume...someone get Elizabeth cleaned up...where is her costume...wait, answer the door there is a trick or treater...okay, let's take a picture of everyone...give out more candy at the door....light the pumpkins...find some bags...leave the birthday mess alone...hurry start walking down the street....someone RUN AFTER TOOTY!!!!! =)




And the baby in the picture...no, I didn't pop out another one without telling anyone. That is Ayden, the newest member of our family, Nate's sister, Sarah Brooke's baby. He was a cowboy but not too happy about it. Eli was an old man. A costume that was chosen the day before Halloween and put together 30 minutes before trick or treating (he kept saying he just wanted to be Eli). He played the part well and as soon as his hair turned gray he went into role playing and kept yelling at me in an old man voice, "listen here little lady, you need to stop that!" Ian was Darth Vader. I think he has been that for multiple years now, but he doesn't seem to mind. And you guessed it, sister girl was a bumble bee because "SHE IS AS BUSY AS A BEE!"
It was a fast paced evening but lots of fun for everyone.

She's two and she's out of here!

I'm sitting in a quiet kitchen listening to the sound of our dryer (such a lovely noise I think) and trying to relish in the peace and quiet if only for a few brief minutes. This is my time to go to counseling so I invite you in my crazy head for awhile, please find a comfy chair and don't laugh to hard at me!

My daughter, oh my precious sweet little sister girl, turned two yesterday. The day came and went without much ado b/c you know she is two and doesn't quite know that we snuffed her actual birthDAY but we do plan on having a small party this Sunday. But...my point in bringing all that up is that in the latest adventures of Sister Girl (I swear I'm going to write a book about her ya'll!) she is now an escape artist. It wasn't enough that she was a streaker or a pooper hider or even a runner but now she has reached a new level of difficult. Of course she is so sorry when she is tackled (or found) and smiles so dainty at you that it is hard to break the trance and remember what just happened in order to beat her good and hard (just kidding!!!!).

She has only done it three times but with the amount of color I have to put on my hair anyway to hide the gray I think running away more then once is sufficient! The first time I just stepped into the other side of the house (you know all ten feet away from the OTHER side of the house) while my husband was with her and the other two. When I walked back in the kitchen I thought it was awfully quiet and quickly asked where tooty was? We all started looking and calling when there was a knock at the door. You know when you are looking for a lost child and you hear a knock at the door it is not good! Sure enough it was my neighbor across the street (who is always outside in her front lawn) holding the little thang! I kept my cool and immediately started explaining how we were in the process of looking for her, honestly! (so she didn't think we had been watching t.v. you know and enjoying the peace and quiet for a little while) She had found Elizabeth in our driveway making her way down to the street! Oh and trust me I keep the doors locked. She knows how to unlock them!

The other two times happened almost within 30 minutes (I know what you are thinking) at McDonalds of all places. Now I could have had DCS called on me but everyone at McDonalds is a little suspicious looking aren't they? A friend was watching her (with her other three kids) and within looking up and down and back up she was gone. Another woman found Elizabeth outside on the sidewalk!!!!! Ya'll!!!!! I was standing in line getting the birthday girl an ice cream cone the whole time. And of all people the woman who found her was a friend from church!!!! Ya'll know they are going to be calling me down to the alter this Sunday!

After that when it was time to go the little escape artist got her shoes on and before I could grab her took off running through the playground and pushed the door open to the outside and ran into the parking lot. I was screaming running behind her with my friend's nine year old son in front of me running. He tackled her right as she was in the parking lot! I was so shaken up I had to leave without saying much to anyone!

And would you believe that in the van I'm calling Nate to tell him about all this and Elizabeth wants to talk (as she always does - you know this if you call me on a regular basis) and when she gets the phone she says so very clearly, "Daddy, I run outside into street!" I'm not kidding you! She is proud of herself I think.

So, I have on my checklist today to go buy another box of blonde to cover up the fifty thousand gray hairs she gave me this week and a rope and tether to somehow permanently secure to that child's body! And please if anyone sees a cute little girl running free down the highway yelling "Lizzy run away from mommy!!" laughing the whole time would you mind grabbing her and returning her to my house? Thanks!

Are you a bow head mom?

I wanted a girl when I got pregnant (okay, okay...before I got pregnant...okay, yes, I admit I even borrowed a book all about how to have a girl...and yes, I prayed for a girl...(how shallow is that?) don't act like you didn't have a preference if you have more then one child now!)

I dreamed of dressing her up and pretending to put blush on her cheeks while I painted my face each morning. Oh and painting her nails (although I did paint the boys nails until Nate fussed at me)and buying the shoes (well borrowing...) to match all the outfits. But the hair. Now I just didn't think it would be such a big deal.

Having two boys I got to sit back in judgement of all those girl moms I was around and make fun of their little girl's bow heads. I just didn't get it. All the trouble they went through to fix the one year old's hair and stick that bow on with petroleum jelly then re-fix it and then re-fix it again. And when those moms came to get their pretty little girls from my Sunday School class or preschool class and fussed at me for losing their bows (you know how much that bow cost?) I scoffed! I even had one mom go out on the playground and search for her daughter's bow after church!

Now I got what I wanted. I have a girl and finally after two years I have a girl with hair...and a basket full of bows that have been given to me. What to do?

I tried the smaller ones. The less conspicuous ones. She was cute enough. But when I put a big one in, oh my, the reaction from these Southern women around me, "OH MY GOODNESS. She is just the cutest thing with that bow in her hair!" The bow did it for her.

But if you have read any posts about sister girl you will know that my sweet little angel of a daughter does not like things in her hair (or on her body - diaper included). So, I fruitlessly spend about 5 minutes wetting, brushing and fixing her hair into cute little pony tails with bows, etc. Then we get in the van...and drive all of 10 minutes..and you know what I see in the rear view mirror don't you?

She looks like a crazy child with hair going everywhere and she is CHEWING on the bows and pony tail holders and barrettes or she has thrown them clear across the van so I can't find them!

But you need to know something about me as well. I don't give up. (or rather should I say, I'm going to get what I want!) And so I rush and throw her hair up into a semi-pony tail and stick that bow back in after crawling all over the van to find it or fishing it out of her mouth and then throw her over my hip and run inside to show her off before she can de-bow herself again.

I know! I'm one of those moms now! I made fun of them and now I'm giving material for others to make fun of me but I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF!!!!

But the big bow or the not big bow...that is my other point.

So, I've not been a real big bow kind of person. I was a ribbon girl mind you in Jr. High and High School (I was a cheerleader - come on - it's part of the job!) I truly think they are obnoxious and I just can't help that I was raised to laugh at big bow girls. Plus they do look a little silly when the bow weighs down the child's head don't they? Come on?

In preschool when I taught Creative Movement we would have these girls come in and they were so worried about their bows on their heads they wouldn't do flips on the floor unless I took their bows and put them in my hair until they were done having fun...then I would give their pretty little hair pieces back to them so they were once again complete for momma to see upon arrival.

I was shopping at a bow vendor at our school's fall festival this past Friday and checking out her huge selection of bows. So many colors and sizes and patterns I felt a little dizzy. But then a true talking Southern Woman came up beside me and said (imagine this in your best drawn out accent) "Ohhhhh...theeeese boooows RRRR just tooooo cuuuute. And theyyyyy RRRRR soooooo cheeeeeap." I asked her if she thought 'this one' was too big? She looked at me and smiled (knowing she was talking to an ignorant bow momma) and replied "Theeeeee biiiiiiigerrrrr the beeeeterrrr giiiirrrrrrl! Youuuu seeeeee thiiiiis smallllll booooow heeeere. (picking up a nice conservative size bow) I uuuuused to puuuut thaaaaat booooow ooooon myyyyyy baaaaaabyyyyyy's heeeeead"." We laughed and I bought two of the big bows feeling proud of myself.

Of course I have spent more time worrying over where that stupid bow is when Elizabeth tears it out of her hair and throws it somewhere b/c I spent all of $3.00 on the dumb thing.

But YALLLLLLL...SHEEEEE LOOOOOKS SOOOOOO CUUUUUTE INNNNN IIIIIIT! =)

It's been awhile since you've seen my kids...

No matter where we are...she has to keep up with her big brothers in action!

Nothing sweeter in life then watching Nate with sister girl at his side!

"The Leash Day" - I borrowed a friend's toddler leash when I took the kids to a pumpkin farm on a Saturday without Nate. I got a lot of looks and some smiles but it changed my life forever! "The Leash" and sister girl will be becoming great friends I forsee!


She is just in love with life...that is all I can say.

Nate's baby sister had her first child. Once again Nate was 'at home' rocking a little one (his favorite thing to do in life).

My three welcome their newest cousin, Ayden James, to the group!



Ian officially joined Cub Scouts as a Tiger Cub. He was just so darned excited about wearing that uniform (thanks Nana for sewing on the badges that this inept mom couldn't seem to do). I love that Ian could care less if he looks cool (look at the hat) but Eli is trying so hard to keep it together in the uniform.

What have I been up to lately?

My life the past few weeks has been a whirlwind of craziness...

I have once again held my baby girl in my arms while she quit breathing and lips turned blue as I ran across the quite blackness in our neighborhood to my neighbor yelling for him to do something. She was having a seizure due to a spiking fever that we didn't realize was getting too high too fast. It was over before I even explained it all to the 911 operator but still we spent most of the night in the ER trying to figure out what caused the fever. A frustrating night to relive with sister girl; but all ended well within 24 hours and she was back up running around fever free. We were then full of information about what to do if she had a seizure again, which may or may not ever happen again...but still not what a parent wants to be learning about two years after watching her baby undergo emergency heart surgery!

Fall break came and went with Eli getting strep throat at the start of their vacation. We stayed at home most of the days and laid low, waiting for the others to get it but thankfully they did not. I did realize that my nine year old son now has stinky body odor and had his first pimple, which I begged him to let me pop but instead I was able to show him how to squeeze it himself. So, I guess I need to add deodorant and clearasil to my shopping list!

Ian began piano lessons after waiting a whole year (the teacher we wanted insisted he be 7 before she taught him and he actually held onto his desire to play the whole year). He seems to have a natural talent for music which is interesting to watch blossom now. Ian is not my competitive sports child but rather a very independent curious/creative type so I think this may just be his niche in life! Of course it might help if we owned a piano, don't tell his piano teacher, but we are letting him practice right now on his $10 toy keyboard and he is doing just fine! I'm just saying...

We finally finished soccer this past Saturday. I am so happy that both boys played hard and ended with positive feelings towards the sport. Eli is still timid in the game but actually a very agile and quick player which has it's good points. Ian - well we were proud when he paid attention and actually tried to chase after the ball and make contact with it - and I didn't lose Elizabeth once the whole season but I did lose 5 pounds from chasing her!

I have officially had a professional stager come to my house and move furniture around and tell me a list of things to do. I cried when she left, made a list, crossed some things off once I came to my senses and now am working my way down a revised list. Hopefully after redoing our bathroom floor and putting up a few new lights oh, and painting one bathroom (why didn't anyone tell me that was the most horrific color to paint a bathroom anyway?) we will be ready to put out a sign! I'm getting excited...but more importantly Nate is getting excited which I never expected. But for goodness sakes...I have almost made myself loony the past two weeks repainting all the base boards, filling in every nail hole, packing nick-nacks, and going through 4 magic erasers (I love those things!) so this house had better sell or I might check into a crazy home!

And more and more and more...but who doesn't have a crazy life right? Just wanted to let everyone know (all three people who read this) that I'm still alive but still crazy!

As I enter the world of staging...

Well I'm about to enter a new world...a world of staging!

Long (many years) story short I finally talked my very conservative husband to put our house on the market and "just see if anyone is interested" because of what a good market it is to buy bigger for less.

I've never hidden the fact that there are five of us in a 3 bedroom house. This wouldn't be a big deal (many people share bedrooms - I did growing up) but our bedrooms are not quite the size for sharing when you are reaching the tween stage!

So, that being said we had our old Realtor that sold us the house five years ago come take a look for me. She immediately started telling me what would "need to come down" and how I should "tidy up this or hide that" and then she handed me a number for a STAGER! "Oh it may run you anywhere from $200 to well you could spend a $1000 for moving new furniture in." I hid my look of panic from the sweet Realtor in her bling shirt and wrote down her suggestions.

So, she gave me two weeks to get these things done...put a new floor in the bathroom (should be pretty cheap), "thin out my 'wild' landscaping" (I thought it was beautiful), hide ALL of my sweet little angel's pictures, and then she suggested we paint our living room a lighter color but seeing how there is like a 50 foot steeple in the middle of it I don't think I'll be getting Nate to do that!

As for the stager...as soon as she left I got on the phone and called up a friend whose mom and aunt are stagers in the fancy city of Franklin. Then I walked next door and recruited my neighbor to ask her sister, a "master gardner of Rutherford County," to come take a look at my yard...I'm calling out the troops for this adventure!

Will I be terribly upset if the house doesn't sell? No...I actually love my house and I LOVE my neighbors and neighborhood. Will we need to live in this house five years from now? No...probably Eli and Ian will get tired of using a bunk bed and sharing a tiny closet at the age of 12 and 14 when they are almost 6 feet tall so...I'm going to act now and see where it gets me.

As I walk down this road of for sale signs and real tracks.com I am very aware of the friends that have tried and are still trying to sell their houses not just for convenience but out of pure necessity. I know many people have lost their houses during the economic crisis over the past years. So, I am most sensitive towards all of them as I join the rat race of the housing market.

Now...if anyone is interested in a three bedroom....large kitchen...most beautiful fenced in back yard...with sweet neighbors and a dead end street....please come see me!

Mommy Moments

I was recently at a children's 'discovery museum' with sister girl and they had roped off a section of the upstairs. What they failed to realize was that little two year old monkeys could still crawl through a tunnel into a train room and then be safely out of yanking distance from their mothers who could not enter through the proper door because of said 'roping off'. (it was not just rope mind you but large walls stacked to keep us out) There was another mother standing near all of this excitement watching me to see what I was going to do. I yelled at sister girl to stop (why do I even bother) and then looked at the mother and said, "I am about to have a mommy moment." She laughed and said something supportive mother to mother. Then I proceeded to crawl on the floor through the tunnel into the train room only to have the little toot crawl through the other tunnel out back into the main lobby. It was all quite comical for all on lookers, although they politely glanced the other direction as I crawled on all fours back out the other side of the tunnel.

Well...I had another mommy moment yesterday but this time it was with my seven year old son and it was a good one for a change. Ian read his first chapter book by himself and get this...it was all his idea!

I am learning, although I admit slowly, that I can not make Ian do anything he really doesn't want to. Now, I can make him brush his teeth and cut his fingernails and eat his green peas but I can not make him love reading or enjoy writing sentences neatly or graciously show kindness to his brother. So, when those moments do happen all on their own they go down in the books as a proud mommy moment.

"Mom do you want me to read this book to you?" Ian asked as he picked out a Magic Tree House book from their shelf. "Of course I do Ian. You want to read this whole book?" I asked. And then he proceeded to sit on the couch for over thirty minutes and read me more than one chapter (in a continuous sitting) while never getting agitated over hard or mispronounced words. That boy even took his book to bed with him and announced to his proud parents that he was going to read some more in bed that night.

He finished the book in two days. His first chapter book by himself in two days.

I don't brag over my children very often but I have to say that I am so proud that this child has finally after all these years decided that he enjoys reading...he fell asleep tonight with his light on...reading his second chapter book.

A proud mommy moment!

a new shirt and a new outlook

2 things on my mind during this half-way point...

1. I love Target! I don't allow myself to go much but for some reason I have been twice in the past five days. I did good the first time and only broke down and bought sister girl the cutest pair of silver/bronze shoes (I can't even tell which one. I think Target is probably so cool that they made a new color for little girls to primp in) to wear this Fall. I have been freaking out just a little over having a girl and trying to figure out if it is okay to wear white shoes after Labor Day (DON'T LAUGH AT ME...I AM A PROPER SOUTHERN GIRL THANK YOU!) but then what do you wear with those little summer dresses since it is still 90 degrees outside? Through my research (at the local parks) I have discovered that white sandals don't appear to be fo-pa just yet. I think with all this global warning we have to be able to change with the times...and wearing white after labor day is going to be the first thing to go. Al Gore would be proud!

Upon my second visit I made an impulse buy for myself...this time it was a gray t-shirt with handsewn white flower petals all over the left shoulder/breast. I swear I walked by this shirt and almost fainted it was so stinkin' cute! I even had a gray striped skirt on so of course when I was back in the van I stripped and put my new pimpin' flowered t on! Only at Target ya'll!!!!

2. I started a bible study this morning. I'm embarrassed to say it has been two...yes, two years since I have been a part of an official 'bible study'. It is a 28 day course on...get this...how to study the bible. I honestly didn't know what the class was going to be about when I walked in but I was so pumped to be back in a group ready to study. It sounds so exciting...it is called "Precepts" - a concept that actually walks you through dissecting what you read in the bible. Honestly, I don't know how many times I try to read the bible and I stop because I get lost or confused or just don't follow what I'm reading. Well, this shows you how to take verse by verse and discern what you are reading with the big picture in mind (the whole chapter or book). So often we as Christians just believe whatever someone tells us that is God's word without looking it up to make sure they are in fact speaking the truth. I am guilty of sitting back and listening to others whether it is on the radio or from the pulpit or just another so called Christian woman and take in everything they say as fact, when so often it has been taken out of context or just plain wrong! As a mother I realized today that it is my job to be able to discern the truth and pass it on down to my children...not leaving this job up to 'teachers' they meet with on occasion or hoping that by osmosis they will just become believers (and 'good people')...it takes deliberate parenting on my behalf!
I was so excited to walk in and see a few older women in the class. There is nothing that warms my heart more then sitting in a room with women who are my mothers and grandmothers age who have a heart for the Lord and for ministering to young mothers. These ladies' smiles and encouraging words just lit my soul up today. I look forward to spending one morning a week with them in our new small group and for the time I am about to devote to learning how to study God's word.

So sporting my new fashionable t and knowing I have the making of some sweet older friends along with the next 28 days devoted to learning how to study the bible...I am doing good half way though the week!

It takes a village

You know the saying "It takes a village to raise a child?" (For some reason I think of old Hillary Clinton when I hear that even I though I know she didn't coin the phrase). Well, I believe this saying is so true but maybe we should change it to "it takes a community to raise a child". I mean we don't really need other women folk to watch out for our babies being eaten by tigers or burned by the open flames of the house fire pit or even from being kidnapped by neighboring tribes. But we do need insight and support as we walk through the trenches of raising our children.

I have learned a life lesson lately. It dawned on me when I was talking to a sweet friend of mine who has one child Elizabeth's age. She was recently reminding me about a time she had shared her exhaustion over trying to get her son to sit down in the bathtub and how it was making her crazy fighting with him over it. She was so scared that he would really hurt himself standing in the wet tub. I shared with her a story about myself having this same conversation when my first child was just gaining independence and he too would not sit down in the tub. This too had absolutely freaked me out so I reached out looking for advice from a friend concerning what to do. (this friend had a child Eli's age but also two older girls so she knew everything in my opinion). She looked at me after I asked her what she did about this problem and she said, "I never really thought about that; I guess I just let him stand up in the tub." Of course I remember very clearly thinking to myself that she was 1. either a bad mom or 2. had realized that this wasn't a fight to try and battle with a one year old.
It wasn't until I had my third child and we are brought to the present conversation with this mother that it flashed before me what the old friend had told me...and I repeated the wisdom I had received years ago and added that I too now didn't really make it a big deal (oh to have a third child and not care...)

Of course I'm not condoning letting your children run wild in the bath tub (but please don't come to my house at 7:00pm each night) but my point is this...
the friend was reminding me of this conversation to point out how much she appreciated me sharing my learned lessons of mothering with her as she goes through it the first time.

But what I have learned is even greater...even though I have been through this now three times I am still learning from other moms, whether they are first timers or have five kids. I feed off the passion that is felt from first time moms as they watch their children grow and learn. I am still getting advice from other moms, whether new or novice, who went through something with a child that I am just now going through with my third (such as using duct tape with a diaper obsessed sister girl).

I almost didn't rejoin a mothering group that I have been a part of for eight years now. The reason in my mind was that I had been there done that...I had talked about potty training, ear infections, teething, separation anxiety for so long that I didn't need the support of other mothers any more. I was good to go. But then I realized this summer that I will never be done needing the support of other mothers. Whether it is through a mother's group or some other type of system every mother needs a community to help her raise her child. Whether she works outside the home or stays in it all day we all need the support and encouragement of other women who have been there or are going through it along side of us.

I am thankful that I have a large support system of women who have both been through the trenches of preschool like myself years ago and survived to laugh about it now but also those women who are going through it for the first time to give me a fresh perspective this third time around. It does take a village and I'm glad that I have built one up around me.

The many roles of me...

What has my job been lately?
Professional Potty trainer, lets see going on over a month now (that's because I give up each time I end up picking up poop off my floor, or shoes and put the diapers back on). You see I have said it before but I never tire of saying again...my little sister girl does not like to wear diapers. I don't know if it is the feel of the things or that she just has ambitions of being a streaker when she is older because she does the same thing with panties! So our final alternative was to get out the duct tape (just for sleeping mind you). But I learned the hard way that if the duct tape is not applied just the right (so as to hide any indication of a tab for bored little fingers waiting to fall limp asleep) then my child will indeed figure out how to take the diaper off. Don't worry...I have taken my new duct taping job more serious and never let that happen again. (picture has been removed but I found my little one sleeping, diaperless with duct tape wrapped around her waist!!!) I like it so much now that I'm thinking about just taping her to her chair at times when I need to take a nap or visit a friend! Oh, and what does she think of this new silver sticky material wrapped around her during bed time? "Tape...off..ha ha..diaper off..ha ha...tape off..ha ha ha!" Yes, that would be her laughing the whole time with a big smile while I spin her around and around applying the tape! At least she has a sense of humor about it.






My other job which I fulfilled two weeks ago was party planner. I finally let Ian have a birthday party at a "place"...you know those second born children never get what the first do! They are so overlooked! But, we broke down and rented the rock wall at MTSU, I was very disappointed that my husband's devoted service to the school got us no break at all! Dummy me...not knowing what kind of attention span a bunch of little kids would have when it came to rock climbing agreed upon the two hour (minimum that is) rental of the thing only to have my son and many others take off their safety harness 30 minutes into the party and start running around the Rec center. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!???" I asked. "Mom, we are tired of the rock wall can we go swimming now?" (yes, I admit it was the longest birthday party planned in history - two hour rock wall then party then two hour swimming...but hey, I thought parents would be thanking me for taking their kids off their backs all afternoon! My reply to sweet birthday child..."NO YOU CAN NOT! GET THAT HARNESS BACK ON AND GET UP THAT ROCK WALL! WE ARE HERE FOR TWO HOURS DAG NABIT!" No, I was really a little nicer then that but my eyes definitely said all of the above. Needless to say the kids climbed a little longer then I gave in and we went to the pool. I won't be planning any rock climbing adventures for my little ones any time soon!



Can you tell who had the most fun? That would be my good looking husband up on that wall...at least in this picture he had on a safety harness. Before that he and the other dad there kept trying to be spider man and freaking me out!!!






My third job, which has been on hiatus since last Spring, is soccer mom come every Saturday morning. I LOVE watching my boys play soccer, especially the oldest since his team actually competes and they are by now pretty skilled players. Not that I don't enjoy my little Ian running around trying so hard to kick the ball. I'm very proud of them both of course! (I put that in case Ian ever decides to look up my blog thank you!) But this year with sister girl being, well almost two, it gives new meaning to the term "multi-tasking". You should see me during Ian's games while my sweet husband is coaching (um hum...you ladies know what I mean here) I'm trying to give Elizabeth suckers, wipe her sticky hands, give her crackers, change her diaper, keep her from taking off her diaper, read her books, get out her baby dolls, draw pictures with her, tackle her as she tries to run onto the field, run after her across the field during the game while she is yelling "daddddeeeeee", all while paying attention to sweet Ian playing his heart out. Thank God Eli is old enough to wonder around with friends...
Now you see why I have no pictures of Ian playing. Sorry little buddy!





And my last job? Being me! And with my emotions and self-induced drama (I put that in for my husband's entertainment) it is a full time job! No, really I am actually loving being at home with Elizabeth all week. I don't regret pulling her off the preschool list. We have fun painting, doing puzzles, singing, playing, reading books. I forgot how much fun it can be watching a little one grow and learn so much each day. Plus she takes three hour naps each day so I have a lot of me time! And the best part is I have discovered a new passion of mine that I'm going to pursue in hopes of making some money. It is exciting but scary; I hope with the help of wiser ones that have gone before me in this endeavor I will be successful! More to come on this adventure later as I become more confident!