For the record...
Facebook...I'm back...if you are a "friend" of mine you have realized this about the time my boys went back to school.
I'm sorry I ever said anything mean about you.
Please don't have hurt feelings...I just didn't have time to devote to you like I should and now I do and I will respect the Facebook from now on.
(I'm cracking myself up here!)
Okay, Facebook...I promise though to only write funny things on my status update (or if I'm trying to sell something - I can't help but use you a little).
Thank you Facebook for your understanding and loyalty. But a little favor? Do you mind asking certain people who use you to please stop writing boring updates? I really get tired of reading them!
=)
Aug 23, 2010
Aug 22, 2010
What God has taught me lately...
I love going to church. I get such an emotional high each Sunday during the praise music; it's like getting a shot of spiritual adrenaline to get me back up ready to face a new week. Most often my sweet Eli sits on one side of me and pokes me or stares at me to get me smiling if the song is a real tear jerker. It's not that I'm sad at all but rather so relieved to have the peace that only truly comes from knowing my Savior and having faith in His promises. It is so freeing to know that I'm alive in Him and because of Him I am free from all wrongs that I fall under each day as a human being.
I have learned a lot this past week. I have been praying and asking advice from many confidants the past two months regarding something in my life that I had to make a decision with. I finally realized the answer this week, due probably to a lot of advice and to seeking God's truth in the manner.
I have learned that it is more important to 'show' God's love (or your own love) not just say it. Don't just say you are a Christian but then sit back in judgement of others. Don't expect others to know you love them but then not show that love in a real way that they can see. I have been sitting in judgement of someone for a choice that they made. I have realized that I can in deed show discernment and not condone certain behaviors but I also have to make a choice to love people through their mistakes. I have to love people even when they are hard to love. I have to love people sometimes when they don't show any love back in return. That is what makes me different...what makes any believer different than the 'world.'
I have realized that in my trying to decide if I still wanted to be friends with someone who has chosen something in their life that I very much disagree with and can not understand I still have no place at all to sit back and 'choose' not to love this person. Who am I to have that power? Are we not called to love everyone? It just hit me this morning and I was overtaken with emotion at the thought of all I have done to offend Christ and yet He forgives me simply for believing in who He is. He even loves me while I am in the pit of my sin.
I heard a radio host talking about what it looked like to really live out your faith. People were calling in with their thoughts and it just hit home to me. Do you talk a big talk? Do you say how we should help others in need but then never open your pocket book to do so. Do you say how we should forgive those who hurt us but then secretly hold onto anger you have towards someone who wronged you long ago? Do you say we should not judge but then choose to hang around people so much like yourself because then you aren't made to feel uncomfortable?
I love when God teaches me new things. I love when He stretches me and makes me grow even though it is so uncomfortable during the midst of it. I love that He has such bigger plans for using my life than I can fathom and so He is using everything to mold me into the person He wants me to be for His Kingdom.
I have learned a lot this past week. I have been praying and asking advice from many confidants the past two months regarding something in my life that I had to make a decision with. I finally realized the answer this week, due probably to a lot of advice and to seeking God's truth in the manner.
I have learned that it is more important to 'show' God's love (or your own love) not just say it. Don't just say you are a Christian but then sit back in judgement of others. Don't expect others to know you love them but then not show that love in a real way that they can see. I have been sitting in judgement of someone for a choice that they made. I have realized that I can in deed show discernment and not condone certain behaviors but I also have to make a choice to love people through their mistakes. I have to love people even when they are hard to love. I have to love people sometimes when they don't show any love back in return. That is what makes me different...what makes any believer different than the 'world.'
I have realized that in my trying to decide if I still wanted to be friends with someone who has chosen something in their life that I very much disagree with and can not understand I still have no place at all to sit back and 'choose' not to love this person. Who am I to have that power? Are we not called to love everyone? It just hit me this morning and I was overtaken with emotion at the thought of all I have done to offend Christ and yet He forgives me simply for believing in who He is. He even loves me while I am in the pit of my sin.
I heard a radio host talking about what it looked like to really live out your faith. People were calling in with their thoughts and it just hit home to me. Do you talk a big talk? Do you say how we should help others in need but then never open your pocket book to do so. Do you say how we should forgive those who hurt us but then secretly hold onto anger you have towards someone who wronged you long ago? Do you say we should not judge but then choose to hang around people so much like yourself because then you aren't made to feel uncomfortable?
I love when God teaches me new things. I love when He stretches me and makes me grow even though it is so uncomfortable during the midst of it. I love that He has such bigger plans for using my life than I can fathom and so He is using everything to mold me into the person He wants me to be for His Kingdom.
Aug 21, 2010
That Rascally Rabbit!
"That rascally rabbit!" Isn't that what Elmer Fud would say every time he went out with his shotgun to shoot bugs bunny?
"If you want to catch a wild bunny Eli you don't need a towel you need a gun!" That's what my husband said as our bare feet were soaked and we had been trudging through the neighbor's yard in our pajamas this morning.
I knew it would happen. Honey Bun had dug a few holes before and our neighbors saw him escaping, promptly calling us to come catch him. Of course we had to 'act' like devoted rabbit parents (and responsible pet owners) so we quickly jumped up and chased after the deranged animal until we caught him.
Now catching a 'wild rabbit' (oh, don't let him fool you into thinking he is tame!) is like catching a greased pig! Especially when the rabbit you are chasing has schizophrenia and somehow has forgotten all the love you gave it just hours before in the nice cool house where there was food and water.
But after the last rescue from outside the fence Nate and I made a silent pact that if he wanted out that bad he could have his freedom. And sure enough after letting him roam the backyard yesterday I realized as we went to bed that he had not made his usual appearance when we were playing back there. Nor had he come to chew on our back door frame at any point in the evening. We figured Honey Bun was rejoicing in his new freedom!
But then this morning sister girl was in the bathroom with Nate and looked out the window. "Honey!!!" she yelled as she spotted him looking so cute and innocent (pet like even) at the vacant house beside us. "Maybe he thinks its his house?" we thought. So, guilt set in and being the "responsible pet owner" I am - not we anymore - my husband made a point to tell me not to write that it was his idea to catch the thing again (because we don't know what sex Honey is and you know we don't want to add to the already overpopulated bunny infestation in our neighborhood) Nate and I went outside on the hunt to find that "rascally rabbit!"
Which leads us full circle to Nate's quote about a gun to Eli and that is how we left the dang thing. No, not dead in our front yard. Come on! Rather running around in our front yard gloating in his freedom! So Honey...if you can hear me out there...we have your nice cedar laden cage in the kitchen and that cool bottle of water that you only need to lie down and sip from, as well as all the food you ever wanted with no work asked of you to get it!
But no...you go enjoy your freedom...enjoy it until some neighbor's cat comes along and chases you all over Hawksridge...then you just remember your peeps and how we had tried Honey Bun...we tried to tell you!
"If you want to catch a wild bunny Eli you don't need a towel you need a gun!" That's what my husband said as our bare feet were soaked and we had been trudging through the neighbor's yard in our pajamas this morning.
I knew it would happen. Honey Bun had dug a few holes before and our neighbors saw him escaping, promptly calling us to come catch him. Of course we had to 'act' like devoted rabbit parents (and responsible pet owners) so we quickly jumped up and chased after the deranged animal until we caught him.
Now catching a 'wild rabbit' (oh, don't let him fool you into thinking he is tame!) is like catching a greased pig! Especially when the rabbit you are chasing has schizophrenia and somehow has forgotten all the love you gave it just hours before in the nice cool house where there was food and water.
But after the last rescue from outside the fence Nate and I made a silent pact that if he wanted out that bad he could have his freedom. And sure enough after letting him roam the backyard yesterday I realized as we went to bed that he had not made his usual appearance when we were playing back there. Nor had he come to chew on our back door frame at any point in the evening. We figured Honey Bun was rejoicing in his new freedom!
But then this morning sister girl was in the bathroom with Nate and looked out the window. "Honey!!!" she yelled as she spotted him looking so cute and innocent (pet like even) at the vacant house beside us. "Maybe he thinks its his house?" we thought. So, guilt set in and being the "responsible pet owner" I am - not we anymore - my husband made a point to tell me not to write that it was his idea to catch the thing again (because we don't know what sex Honey is and you know we don't want to add to the already overpopulated bunny infestation in our neighborhood) Nate and I went outside on the hunt to find that "rascally rabbit!"
Which leads us full circle to Nate's quote about a gun to Eli and that is how we left the dang thing. No, not dead in our front yard. Come on! Rather running around in our front yard gloating in his freedom! So Honey...if you can hear me out there...we have your nice cedar laden cage in the kitchen and that cool bottle of water that you only need to lie down and sip from, as well as all the food you ever wanted with no work asked of you to get it!
But no...you go enjoy your freedom...enjoy it until some neighbor's cat comes along and chases you all over Hawksridge...then you just remember your peeps and how we had tried Honey Bun...we tried to tell you!
Aug 18, 2010
Daddy/Sitter
Monday morning. It's all planned out. I will take the boys to school and Nate is going to stay at home with sister girl while I then 'hurry' over to the grocery store and get our weekly shopping done. I promise to be back soon as if I'm paying a sitter and then head out the door.
I drop the kids off with out a hitch, except to yell at a father who actually passed me in the drop off lanes after we had both let our children out of the vehicle. I don't know what kind of hurry Mr. Mom was in that he felt the need to race in front of me while small children were crossing the walkway but hey...I just hope someone wrote his license plate number down!
I then hurry through the store only to be interrupted by sweet husband/babysitter on the phone to ask if I wanted him to wait for me to go on a walk. "Oh no dear...you better go on that walk now!" I thought...good golly I'm trying to shop here for our dinners I'm not having the pressure of a 'walk' sitting on my shoulders. Back to shopping.
I manage to take about 4 minutes out of my focused search down aisle number 7 to talk to the 'special needs bagger' who is roaming around looking for young women to talk to (he always does this). I'm proud of myself for not being rude but talking to him about the high school football game this Friday night and how dark it will be. He will not be going though...in case you wondered.
I then finish my shopping, proud that I stuck to my list exactly, and load my groceries in the van by myself because you know you have to practically be in a wheelchair for someone to help you out at Kroger!
Then I get home with no daddy/sitter and baby in site and unload everything very happily!
Daddy walks in and says he is going to run some errands. I say off the cuff, "why don't you take Elizabeth?"
He says...sure. And then he walks her out to the van and closes the door. If it wasn't for the fact that he forgot something I would have not realized that he was actually leaving with her. Leaving me alone...in the house...by myself...
I quickly turn into over protected/controlling mom and say, "do you have the diaper bag, a cup, a snack, shoes, a blanket?" As he realizes he has NONE OF THE ABOVE and very calmly gets it all. Then he is gone. I can't believe it. He just took our crazy (but cute) almost 2 year old on a shopping/errand run with no complaints what so ever.
The guilt...it enveloped me for about...3 minutes then I jumped up and started cleaning. I actually cleaned my entire ENTIRE entire house while they were gone. I mean from dusting, mopping, vacuuming, scrubbing bathtubs with toothbrushes and toilets with pretty blue stuff! I did it all before they even returned over 2 hours later!
Now don't go and ask me why I didn't do something for myself b/c as most moms know to have a morning free to get all my house cleaning done while I was actually in the mood to get all my house cleaning done and not have a baby interrupting me at all was a wonderful morning indeed!
Then they returned (and best of all daddy/sitter complimented me on how shiny the bathroom was!) and I got to ask him with a kind of one eyebrow up look, "so, how was she?" Expecting him to be exhausted, frustrated, stressed, even angry. But no...he smiled in his usual manner and stated, "She was great. Everyone loved her!"
What??!! I bet he had women coming up to him in the stores just asking if they could hold her while he shopped!
They even went to Wal-mart of all places and she sat in the buggy! Then they went to Men's Wearhouse and he tried on his suit pants for tailoring. "What did she do?" (thinking she probably ran around the store) "She just sat on the floor with me in the dressing room." He went to MTSU to work to get something as well as "The Game Stop" to ask for information about us reselling a game unit. "And she just behaved herself and stayed with you?" I pleaded. "Yes, she did great!"
So.
I'm proud of my sweet husband for stepping up and taking his daughter shopping everywhere that morning but I just can't help but be a little jealous and curious as to how he did it!
Am I going to follow his lead in the future and take her shopping all over Tim Buck Two? I DON'T THINK SO! I know she is just holding it back for her momma! The clever little cuttie pie is scheming right now as she lays in her crib!
I drop the kids off with out a hitch, except to yell at a father who actually passed me in the drop off lanes after we had both let our children out of the vehicle. I don't know what kind of hurry Mr. Mom was in that he felt the need to race in front of me while small children were crossing the walkway but hey...I just hope someone wrote his license plate number down!
I then hurry through the store only to be interrupted by sweet husband/babysitter on the phone to ask if I wanted him to wait for me to go on a walk. "Oh no dear...you better go on that walk now!" I thought...good golly I'm trying to shop here for our dinners I'm not having the pressure of a 'walk' sitting on my shoulders. Back to shopping.
I manage to take about 4 minutes out of my focused search down aisle number 7 to talk to the 'special needs bagger' who is roaming around looking for young women to talk to (he always does this). I'm proud of myself for not being rude but talking to him about the high school football game this Friday night and how dark it will be. He will not be going though...in case you wondered.
I then finish my shopping, proud that I stuck to my list exactly, and load my groceries in the van by myself because you know you have to practically be in a wheelchair for someone to help you out at Kroger!
Then I get home with no daddy/sitter and baby in site and unload everything very happily!
Daddy walks in and says he is going to run some errands. I say off the cuff, "why don't you take Elizabeth?"
He says...sure. And then he walks her out to the van and closes the door. If it wasn't for the fact that he forgot something I would have not realized that he was actually leaving with her. Leaving me alone...in the house...by myself...
I quickly turn into over protected/controlling mom and say, "do you have the diaper bag, a cup, a snack, shoes, a blanket?" As he realizes he has NONE OF THE ABOVE and very calmly gets it all. Then he is gone. I can't believe it. He just took our crazy (but cute) almost 2 year old on a shopping/errand run with no complaints what so ever.
The guilt...it enveloped me for about...3 minutes then I jumped up and started cleaning. I actually cleaned my entire ENTIRE entire house while they were gone. I mean from dusting, mopping, vacuuming, scrubbing bathtubs with toothbrushes and toilets with pretty blue stuff! I did it all before they even returned over 2 hours later!
Now don't go and ask me why I didn't do something for myself b/c as most moms know to have a morning free to get all my house cleaning done while I was actually in the mood to get all my house cleaning done and not have a baby interrupting me at all was a wonderful morning indeed!
Then they returned (and best of all daddy/sitter complimented me on how shiny the bathroom was!) and I got to ask him with a kind of one eyebrow up look, "so, how was she?" Expecting him to be exhausted, frustrated, stressed, even angry. But no...he smiled in his usual manner and stated, "She was great. Everyone loved her!"
What??!! I bet he had women coming up to him in the stores just asking if they could hold her while he shopped!
They even went to Wal-mart of all places and she sat in the buggy! Then they went to Men's Wearhouse and he tried on his suit pants for tailoring. "What did she do?" (thinking she probably ran around the store) "She just sat on the floor with me in the dressing room." He went to MTSU to work to get something as well as "The Game Stop" to ask for information about us reselling a game unit. "And she just behaved herself and stayed with you?" I pleaded. "Yes, she did great!"
So.
I'm proud of my sweet husband for stepping up and taking his daughter shopping everywhere that morning but I just can't help but be a little jealous and curious as to how he did it!
Am I going to follow his lead in the future and take her shopping all over Tim Buck Two? I DON'T THINK SO! I know she is just holding it back for her momma! The clever little cuttie pie is scheming right now as she lays in her crib!
Aug 13, 2010
The first week of school
Some moms look at the start of a new school year with saddness and despair. 'Where did the summer go?' they ask as a salutation upon greeting fellow moms in the school hallways. Me? I know where it went...each day of it. Over two months...day by day...it was spent playing with my three kids, swimming with them, jumping on the trampoline with them, painting, reading, watching movies, roller skating, visiting friends, riding bikes, playing hide and seek, trying to get them to write just a few sentences so they wouldn't forget what English looked like for goodness sakes. Oh...and lets not forget breaking up fights, wiping tears, covering boo boos with band-aids, mopping up blood, lecturing to young boys on the need to have compassion for others when they are hurt, keeping wrestling bodies from rolling on top of almost 2 year baby girls! That is where my summer went...day by day...for two months. I enjoyed 'almost' all of it and wouldn't trade it for anything (well maybe one or two of the slow weeks for a spa get away or even a boring cruise...). But all good things come to an end right? =)
And so this week the boys went back to school. =)
The most coveted part of the first week back in school for me is the "room meetings" held on Thursday night. Just enough time for the teachers to figure out a little about your kid so when they greet you at the door they know where the kid got it from.. I was so relieved that Ian didn't get any 'monkeys pulled' this week so when I shook his young and beautiful (did I mention young--- 27 years young) and not married and no kids (can we say over devoted teacher at the moment) teacher I could confidently introduce myself as "Ian's mom" and see her smile. You always have to compliment them right off from the start. I like to state how my child has talked about how much fun he has had or how sweet his teacher has been this week. You are just sharing information passed down from your child so it's not like you are brown nosing or anything.
Then you go and sit in those tiny little chairs for an hour and try really hard not to squirm too much as your back starts aching and your feet go numb. I also smile a lot at the teacher as she is going through her power point of expectations for the class and educational goals she has for their little brains. I nod a lot in agreement and try really hard not to let my well known facial expressions for confusion and "oh, please...come on!" thoughts show through. Then Nate and I write a cute little note to hide in our child's desk for a nice surprise in the morning.
Of course the worst part is at the end. The teachers always hold up those dreaded sign up sheets. You know the ones if you've walked down this path with an older child. "And whoever would like to volunteer in the classroom please sign these sheets before you leave." All the moms - those devoted ones that truly love their child and of course have nothing better to do then stay all day in the classroom and give their free hours to cutting out paper and gluing bulletin boards together - run to the sign up sheets. Ohhhh...who is going to sign up for the Fall party and who wants to be in charge of scrap booking for the whole class? Just like approaching a Chinese buffet my eyes are so much bigger than my actual available time. So, I humbly write down my name for "helping" out with seasonal parties and sign beside the "busy work at home for teacher" but then say a short prayer, 'please God don't let her send a stack of apples for me to cut out with Ian next week'. (Last year I ended up cutting out 20 full size bodies and drawing all their facial features on them for Ian's kindergarten class until 10pm for a few nights in a row...I almost killed someone!) I've finally realized I should just relish in the fact that right now I have a good excuse for not being at the school throughout the week because I have a toddler at home. Although you KNOW I would love to sit their all day in my kids' class and grade math worksheets for those teachers...I REALLY would!
The third grade meeting moved a little more quickly with a lot less information. She knew what she wanted and didn't feel the need to take up our time explaining all of her goals for the kids (we could read the hand out later she said)it didn't really involve much parental help anyway (I'll e-mail you all when I need a few volunteers for a science project and then the first three that reply will help me...) in other words...your kid is in 3rd grade so turn off the hover-copter mode and find something else to do with your time...like cutting out apples for the 1st grade teachers.
I did enjoy reading a new sign up sheet that went around all the rooms this year asking for help from parents during an 'R and E' (review and enrichment) hour the school was implementing each day which would involve the help of lots of adults working with small groups of students. It asked for your "area of expertise" and you know I didn't bother signing up but I did tell Nate to put his name down and under expertise write "aerodynamics and fluid mechanics"(knowing full well my man can't give up an hour a day but at least they would know that his offspring had some good genes for them) but still...they needed to know just in case a child needed help in that area. Then Nate and I got a big laugh out of the fact that another mom we know in the class wrote under that same column..."anything you need." Well....I'm so glad someone out there is an expert in everything and so willing to share it! =)
You will be proud of us though. Nate didn't hug anyone (please Nate not the first week of school) and I didn't go home and bake any brownies for the teachers to celebrate their first Friday!
And so I know that Ian is happy and challenged in a room full of first grade monkeys with his very single very perky teacher. And Eli is feeling safe and loved by a very motherly teacher who is obsessed with Star Wars and has decorated her room with Yoda and Jedi warriors! And Elizabeth and I? We are enjoying a little bit of Q and R (Quite from screaming and wrestling and Relaxation of three hour naps during the middle of the day)before we pick up the boys and then play hard together until bedtime!
And so this week the boys went back to school. =)
The most coveted part of the first week back in school for me is the "room meetings" held on Thursday night. Just enough time for the teachers to figure out a little about your kid so when they greet you at the door they know where the kid got it from.. I was so relieved that Ian didn't get any 'monkeys pulled' this week so when I shook his young and beautiful (did I mention young--- 27 years young) and not married and no kids (can we say over devoted teacher at the moment) teacher I could confidently introduce myself as "Ian's mom" and see her smile. You always have to compliment them right off from the start. I like to state how my child has talked about how much fun he has had or how sweet his teacher has been this week. You are just sharing information passed down from your child so it's not like you are brown nosing or anything.
Then you go and sit in those tiny little chairs for an hour and try really hard not to squirm too much as your back starts aching and your feet go numb. I also smile a lot at the teacher as she is going through her power point of expectations for the class and educational goals she has for their little brains. I nod a lot in agreement and try really hard not to let my well known facial expressions for confusion and "oh, please...come on!" thoughts show through. Then Nate and I write a cute little note to hide in our child's desk for a nice surprise in the morning.
Of course the worst part is at the end. The teachers always hold up those dreaded sign up sheets. You know the ones if you've walked down this path with an older child. "And whoever would like to volunteer in the classroom please sign these sheets before you leave." All the moms - those devoted ones that truly love their child and of course have nothing better to do then stay all day in the classroom and give their free hours to cutting out paper and gluing bulletin boards together - run to the sign up sheets. Ohhhh...who is going to sign up for the Fall party and who wants to be in charge of scrap booking for the whole class? Just like approaching a Chinese buffet my eyes are so much bigger than my actual available time. So, I humbly write down my name for "helping" out with seasonal parties and sign beside the "busy work at home for teacher" but then say a short prayer, 'please God don't let her send a stack of apples for me to cut out with Ian next week'. (Last year I ended up cutting out 20 full size bodies and drawing all their facial features on them for Ian's kindergarten class until 10pm for a few nights in a row...I almost killed someone!) I've finally realized I should just relish in the fact that right now I have a good excuse for not being at the school throughout the week because I have a toddler at home. Although you KNOW I would love to sit their all day in my kids' class and grade math worksheets for those teachers...I REALLY would!
The third grade meeting moved a little more quickly with a lot less information. She knew what she wanted and didn't feel the need to take up our time explaining all of her goals for the kids (we could read the hand out later she said)it didn't really involve much parental help anyway (I'll e-mail you all when I need a few volunteers for a science project and then the first three that reply will help me...) in other words...your kid is in 3rd grade so turn off the hover-copter mode and find something else to do with your time...like cutting out apples for the 1st grade teachers.
I did enjoy reading a new sign up sheet that went around all the rooms this year asking for help from parents during an 'R and E' (review and enrichment) hour the school was implementing each day which would involve the help of lots of adults working with small groups of students. It asked for your "area of expertise" and you know I didn't bother signing up but I did tell Nate to put his name down and under expertise write "aerodynamics and fluid mechanics"(knowing full well my man can't give up an hour a day but at least they would know that his offspring had some good genes for them) but still...they needed to know just in case a child needed help in that area. Then Nate and I got a big laugh out of the fact that another mom we know in the class wrote under that same column..."anything you need." Well....I'm so glad someone out there is an expert in everything and so willing to share it! =)
You will be proud of us though. Nate didn't hug anyone (please Nate not the first week of school) and I didn't go home and bake any brownies for the teachers to celebrate their first Friday!
And so I know that Ian is happy and challenged in a room full of first grade monkeys with his very single very perky teacher. And Eli is feeling safe and loved by a very motherly teacher who is obsessed with Star Wars and has decorated her room with Yoda and Jedi warriors! And Elizabeth and I? We are enjoying a little bit of Q and R (Quite from screaming and wrestling and Relaxation of three hour naps during the middle of the day)before we pick up the boys and then play hard together until bedtime!
Aug 10, 2010
The odd frame
I have these four large pictures in my living room. They are all perfectly measured horizontal in the center of the wall and equal distance apart (thanks to my husband). And they are all going in the same direction. Then I printed a picture of Elizabeth and when I replaced the picture already up there I realized I had to turn the frame vertical for the picture - now there is one odd frame on my giant wall. Since I loved the picture I knew it would take some time for me to find another equally pleasant photo to replace it (the rest of the pictures are of the boys as small children). So I have left the frame on the wall - sticking out like a sore thumb for all to see. And I have made it a point to apologize for some reason to everyone who has come into my house, making sure they knew I was going to fix the odd frame before long in case they were thinking to themselves how odd that looked and how weird I was to have one frame going in the opposite direction of the other three. And do you know not one person said they had noticed it or that they even cared! Not one!
I have learned from this. I'm leaving this frame up for awhile now, on purpose, to teach myself that not everything is perfect in my life. That I do not need to feel like I have to control everything to keep it looking perfect from the outside because Lord have mercy don't you know (if you read this blog you do) that my life is crazy!
So here is a little self-reflection. Some things, as my mom and I discussed this summer, are just the way they are about us because well gee wheeze that is just the way we are. I like to have my house tidy. I don't like clutter. I admit that I often walk behind my children and pick up their toys so that the house doesn't stay cluttered.
Now...what I need to learn from this is that it is okay if my house is messy. It doesn't mean I haven't done my job for the day. It doesn't mean I'm a failure or a slob or that if someone walks in my house unexpectedly into the mess of a living room I have that day (and must step over a few dust balls and toys) that they will judge me forever as a dirty person!
I have a problem with people watching me or having attention brought to me when it is out of my control. One such example is having to take my children to the grocery store. I did this with just the boys a few days ago and I'm not kidding folks when I got home I had to have a glass of wine for supper I was so high strung! They weren't bad but they were bouncing all over the place and a few times getting in people's way and all I could think was what those people were probably thinking about me and how I couldn't control my kids and make them walk perfectly straight and quiet through the whole store with me. I know I have to get over it (or start taking a happy pill) but it is hard!
There is this woman at my church who has four kids and every Sunday they are all dressed (even the mother and sometimes the father) in the same color outfit. She has done this for YEARS. I can't help but look at her and wonder if there were many tears that morning over the outfits being laid out and if she does it just to prove to all of us watching that she has the perfect family who can sit in their color coded outfits so quiet during church and we'll think how wonderful they are. I say this as my boys have usually non-ironed shirts and their crocks on and I'm shooting evil dart eyes at Ian the whole time daring him to make one more noise! (Church sounds fun doesn't it?) But why do I let that family get under my skin...I guess b/c I want to try to have that perfect looking family but I can't - and I understand that nobody is really that way.
I had a woman ask me one time how I look so together all the time. I laughed and said are you kidding me? Then I pointed her to my blog so she could see the inside truth. So, I guess you never know how others are perceiving you from their standing place.
This is one reason that I blog all the crazy stories in my life. To remind myself and others (in the hopes that it will help someone laugh at their own life) that I'm not perfect...I can't always have all four frames going in the right direction and perfectly lined up and never crooked. It's good to let one go the opposite direction and stand out for awhile. It's good to laugh at myself and know that I'm just a mess most of the time and trying to hold it together so that DCS doesn't come visit me.
I'm also trying to let that frame remind me that the way that I think is the 'perfect' way to do life or to be a mom or to be a wife or a friend isn't always the way someone else sees it. Maybe because they choose to do it different or maybe because they mess up and have to go down a path they didn't ever want to go down but there they are. I'm trying to see that if one frame is going the opposite direction maybe it isn't always wrong and if it is wrong maybe I can love it anyway. I'm learning a lot from this frame. I guess I'll keep it up this way a little longer.
I have learned from this. I'm leaving this frame up for awhile now, on purpose, to teach myself that not everything is perfect in my life. That I do not need to feel like I have to control everything to keep it looking perfect from the outside because Lord have mercy don't you know (if you read this blog you do) that my life is crazy!
So here is a little self-reflection. Some things, as my mom and I discussed this summer, are just the way they are about us because well gee wheeze that is just the way we are. I like to have my house tidy. I don't like clutter. I admit that I often walk behind my children and pick up their toys so that the house doesn't stay cluttered.
Now...what I need to learn from this is that it is okay if my house is messy. It doesn't mean I haven't done my job for the day. It doesn't mean I'm a failure or a slob or that if someone walks in my house unexpectedly into the mess of a living room I have that day (and must step over a few dust balls and toys) that they will judge me forever as a dirty person!
I have a problem with people watching me or having attention brought to me when it is out of my control. One such example is having to take my children to the grocery store. I did this with just the boys a few days ago and I'm not kidding folks when I got home I had to have a glass of wine for supper I was so high strung! They weren't bad but they were bouncing all over the place and a few times getting in people's way and all I could think was what those people were probably thinking about me and how I couldn't control my kids and make them walk perfectly straight and quiet through the whole store with me. I know I have to get over it (or start taking a happy pill) but it is hard!
There is this woman at my church who has four kids and every Sunday they are all dressed (even the mother and sometimes the father) in the same color outfit. She has done this for YEARS. I can't help but look at her and wonder if there were many tears that morning over the outfits being laid out and if she does it just to prove to all of us watching that she has the perfect family who can sit in their color coded outfits so quiet during church and we'll think how wonderful they are. I say this as my boys have usually non-ironed shirts and their crocks on and I'm shooting evil dart eyes at Ian the whole time daring him to make one more noise! (Church sounds fun doesn't it?) But why do I let that family get under my skin...I guess b/c I want to try to have that perfect looking family but I can't - and I understand that nobody is really that way.
I had a woman ask me one time how I look so together all the time. I laughed and said are you kidding me? Then I pointed her to my blog so she could see the inside truth. So, I guess you never know how others are perceiving you from their standing place.
This is one reason that I blog all the crazy stories in my life. To remind myself and others (in the hopes that it will help someone laugh at their own life) that I'm not perfect...I can't always have all four frames going in the right direction and perfectly lined up and never crooked. It's good to let one go the opposite direction and stand out for awhile. It's good to laugh at myself and know that I'm just a mess most of the time and trying to hold it together so that DCS doesn't come visit me.
I'm also trying to let that frame remind me that the way that I think is the 'perfect' way to do life or to be a mom or to be a wife or a friend isn't always the way someone else sees it. Maybe because they choose to do it different or maybe because they mess up and have to go down a path they didn't ever want to go down but there they are. I'm trying to see that if one frame is going the opposite direction maybe it isn't always wrong and if it is wrong maybe I can love it anyway. I'm learning a lot from this frame. I guess I'll keep it up this way a little longer.
Aug 5, 2010
Don't tell them they are smart!
I've been reading the book "Nurture Shock. New thinking about children" by PO Bronson and Ashley Merryman. It is a very, very interesting book taking subjects such as "The inverse power of praise," (new research suggests if you tell him he is smart all the time you will ruin him) "The lost hour," (children get an hour less of sleep a night that affects IQ points, emotional well-being, ADHD, and obesity) "Why white parents don't talk about race" (does teaching children about race and skin color make them better off or worse?), "Why Kids lie", "The search for intelligent life in kindergarten", "The sibling effect" (why siblings fight), "The science of teen rebellion", "Can self-control be taught?", "Plays well with others." The authors take these issues that we will all deal with if we have children or work with them in the schools and look at what research in the past has said, did it prove true, and discover new research that is totally contradicting what we have all been led to believe and taken as fact. I'm only on the second chapter and I'm sure I'll have much to blog about in the future but today I'd like to comment on the first chapter.
"The inverse power of praise" chapter is all about how we are told to tell our children they are smart from a very young age. Little Tommy is 1 year old and says cat and his parents immediately start telling him and others in front of him how "smart" he is. It just continues from there. The research they uncovered showed that children who were constantly told they were smart (and these kids typically are smart kids) have something happen to them when they find themselves struggling in school. They give up. They get frustrated that the skill didn't come easy to them because they are smart, right, and everything has always come easy to them and so they refuse to push through and try harder until they master the skill. They don't want to look like they are not getting it in front of their peers and so they act like they just don't care anymore or they become very agitated. That is where you find a lot of Jr. High students who have always had studies come easy to them now start dropping grades because they aren't just getting it right away.
The new research studies done showed that instead of telling your children they are smart you need to be more specific and tell them things like "you are a hard worker" or "you are very creative" or "you worked really hard trying to figure that out." Throughout different studies done on groups of children where group A was praised for their effort and group B praised for their intelligence, the "smart" kids would cop-out of harder puzzles and choose the easier ones where the the other group chose the harder puzzles and 'got very involved, willing to try every solution to solve the puzzle.' The "praised for their smarts" group assumed their failure in the harder tests was evidence that they weren't really smart at all. "Just watching them, you could see the strain. They were sweating and miserable."
Tests scores even improved with the groups that were praised for their effort but those for their smarts actually did worse. "Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control and it provides no good recipe for responding to failure," states Dr. Carol Dweck who led the studies out of Stanford.
The chapter ends with the fact that as parents we want to be our children's cheerleaders and boost them up any way we can. Telling our children how smart they are just comes naturally and to tell a parent they shouldn't do it will be very hard for many to accept. I for one recognized this first hand in my oldest son last year and then tonight, three days before school begins, it has surfaced again.
I don't know how many times I have told Eli he is smart. It just comes out like saying "I love you" during the day. But while he was in 2nd grade for the first time in his school career he was challenged to the point where he wasn't getting it. To say he was devastated would be an understatement. It was just one area, "ways to success" (a saying that now brings stomach tightness to me when I hear it uttered from his lips) where he was tested on his math skills by the computer. He had to keep moving up in the levels and when he got too many wrong he would have to start all over again. Of course he had to finish certain levels before he could move on to other things, sometimes even actual things in class like P.E. The attention it was bringing to this shy child was becoming unbearable in his mind. He had never failed at anything in school and for the first time was having to ask for help, something he did not want to do - again bringing attention to himself.
Now I don't know if this proves anything based on what I read in the book but it does support the fact that a bright child who for the first time struggles ended up having such an emotional and physical breakdown in school that year. We did end up talking to his teacher about ways to handle this for Eli but I'm sorry to say the fear of taking those tests didn't improve.
And then at 9:30 tonight he comes into the kitchen crying from his bedroom telling us "I just realized that I would have to start ways to success again when I go back to school next week." Tears, convulsions, fear followed. But I remembered the book. I told Eli that he was a very hard worker and that it was okay if he didn't understand something in school. I talked about his brain learning new things that were hard at first and that made him try more, which was good for his brain - made it grow! I explained that everyone has areas in school that don't come easy to them at first but you have to just try harder and he was very good at that. Once I got over the fact that I didn't want to tell him how smart he was (because gee mom, if I'm so smart why is this so hard? I thought to myself) then the other words came flowing out.
He actually listened to me and his dad and calmed down. We talked about telling his teacher up front that he was nervous about these tests in math and that he would like her extra help. And then he was okay.
I just found all this very interesting and thought I'd share it with my blog readers tonight. Anyone who has thoughts about this research or their own experiences from working in education or with their own school aged children please share.
"The inverse power of praise" chapter is all about how we are told to tell our children they are smart from a very young age. Little Tommy is 1 year old and says cat and his parents immediately start telling him and others in front of him how "smart" he is. It just continues from there. The research they uncovered showed that children who were constantly told they were smart (and these kids typically are smart kids) have something happen to them when they find themselves struggling in school. They give up. They get frustrated that the skill didn't come easy to them because they are smart, right, and everything has always come easy to them and so they refuse to push through and try harder until they master the skill. They don't want to look like they are not getting it in front of their peers and so they act like they just don't care anymore or they become very agitated. That is where you find a lot of Jr. High students who have always had studies come easy to them now start dropping grades because they aren't just getting it right away.
The new research studies done showed that instead of telling your children they are smart you need to be more specific and tell them things like "you are a hard worker" or "you are very creative" or "you worked really hard trying to figure that out." Throughout different studies done on groups of children where group A was praised for their effort and group B praised for their intelligence, the "smart" kids would cop-out of harder puzzles and choose the easier ones where the the other group chose the harder puzzles and 'got very involved, willing to try every solution to solve the puzzle.' The "praised for their smarts" group assumed their failure in the harder tests was evidence that they weren't really smart at all. "Just watching them, you could see the strain. They were sweating and miserable."
Tests scores even improved with the groups that were praised for their effort but those for their smarts actually did worse. "Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control and it provides no good recipe for responding to failure," states Dr. Carol Dweck who led the studies out of Stanford.
The chapter ends with the fact that as parents we want to be our children's cheerleaders and boost them up any way we can. Telling our children how smart they are just comes naturally and to tell a parent they shouldn't do it will be very hard for many to accept. I for one recognized this first hand in my oldest son last year and then tonight, three days before school begins, it has surfaced again.
I don't know how many times I have told Eli he is smart. It just comes out like saying "I love you" during the day. But while he was in 2nd grade for the first time in his school career he was challenged to the point where he wasn't getting it. To say he was devastated would be an understatement. It was just one area, "ways to success" (a saying that now brings stomach tightness to me when I hear it uttered from his lips) where he was tested on his math skills by the computer. He had to keep moving up in the levels and when he got too many wrong he would have to start all over again. Of course he had to finish certain levels before he could move on to other things, sometimes even actual things in class like P.E. The attention it was bringing to this shy child was becoming unbearable in his mind. He had never failed at anything in school and for the first time was having to ask for help, something he did not want to do - again bringing attention to himself.
Now I don't know if this proves anything based on what I read in the book but it does support the fact that a bright child who for the first time struggles ended up having such an emotional and physical breakdown in school that year. We did end up talking to his teacher about ways to handle this for Eli but I'm sorry to say the fear of taking those tests didn't improve.
And then at 9:30 tonight he comes into the kitchen crying from his bedroom telling us "I just realized that I would have to start ways to success again when I go back to school next week." Tears, convulsions, fear followed. But I remembered the book. I told Eli that he was a very hard worker and that it was okay if he didn't understand something in school. I talked about his brain learning new things that were hard at first and that made him try more, which was good for his brain - made it grow! I explained that everyone has areas in school that don't come easy to them at first but you have to just try harder and he was very good at that. Once I got over the fact that I didn't want to tell him how smart he was (because gee mom, if I'm so smart why is this so hard? I thought to myself) then the other words came flowing out.
He actually listened to me and his dad and calmed down. We talked about telling his teacher up front that he was nervous about these tests in math and that he would like her extra help. And then he was okay.
I just found all this very interesting and thought I'd share it with my blog readers tonight. Anyone who has thoughts about this research or their own experiences from working in education or with their own school aged children please share.
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