The age old debate...

I have been thinking a lot lately about me as a person, separate from a mother or a wife. I recently toiled with the idea of getting a job (a real job...a paying job rather) to help out with the new monthly budget my husband finally created (that was an eye opening experience) but also to use my brain again (not that coming up with clever ways to keep sister girl's diaper on doesn't make me use my brain!)

I called a few friends who work, both part time and full time, and asked lots of questions. What I found out was one, I am way out of my league thinking I can just step into a professional job after ten years of being at home; and two, I have no idea what I would do with my sweet sister girl. Those two facts alone froze me into inaction.

I have thought a lot about the fact that when a woman chooses to stay at home for an extended amount of time she chooses to give up her chance of staying enticing to those in her field of expertise. Even friends of mine who were teachers have had a hard time competing with those who didn't take 'time off' to raise their young ones. Of course I have learned that field is probably the easiest to return to. Sure I can get a job as a secretary (well if I can use their computer I suppose) or a teacher's aid or some other lower paying job but knowing I have a college degree for goodness sakes I think can't I do better? I realize the answer might just be no. I will probably have to start at the ground level and prove myself worthy to work back up the ranks of career woman...when I decide to make the plunge back into high heels and cute looking hair styles.

But then...how I could even accomplish this feat unless I put my child in full time daycare and then what about the other kids in this house? What happens when someone is sick and can't go to school? What about those stinking early dismissal days they throw at us each month? Snow days, fall break, winter break, spring break...SUMMER?????? How do women do it?

Usually the answer I'm finding is family. They have a grandmother to keep the kids or I know some have college babysitters they rely on. But standing from the outside of it all in my pajamas at home with sister girl playing freely in her room and knowing I will be the one to pick up the boys after school and visit with them about their day and oversee their homework and play with them before supper I just can't fathom how I would take the plunge into that chaos?

I see one answer of having family around to help but I also see the other answer is how much one gets paid. If you can enter back into a field that pays well enough to make it worth it then that is another story. To have enough money to pay for a nanny to keep your child at home while they are still little or to pick up your preschooler from school early in the day or your older children at 3:00. To pay for a good quality after school care or even a good quality preschool all day as opposed to a daycare...or a very good daycare even. It all takes money...and it would mean getting a job that paid me well enough to make it worth doing all that. Which means having the experience or 'good fortune' to land a job in the first place.

While toiling with the idea of working again I really had no intention of working full time but was looking at a part time gig. Truth of the matter is I don't want to work full time. If I had to then I would but I'm used to our lifestyle on a teacher's salary for the time being. I know I will feel different once all my children are in school but until then I just don't know if I could part with Elizabeth all day five days a week. (I know I'm making some of you roll your eyes!)

I wonder if I'll need to return to school to pursue more 'education' and 'training' in a specific field before I am thought of as qualified enough to take on a new profession. The idea of this is actually exciting and one that would be plausible after the other adult in this house would please finish his life long career of going to graduate school! I have two women in my life, both my mother and my mother-in-law, who waited until their children were well into school (one waited until her children were actually grown up) to go back to finish college and pursue a professional career. My mother was in her late thirties I am guessing when she earned her master's degree and started (yes started) teaching at the college. Now she only has four years until she can retire. My mother-in-law became a nurse after she turned forty! I know there is much time in my future to pursue great things if I can just have patience.

Until then I suppose I will continue to be creative with making money and making ends meet. I have done it the past ten years, always finding some new way to make a small income and pursue my creative outlet (even if this often included changing other children's diapers and wiping their noses while playing ring around the roses!)

In the mean time I just wanted to share my thoughts with the other women reading this blog about the age old story of women wanting to work versus still carrying the responsibility for the children. Your thoughts are welcome.