It takes a village

You know the saying "It takes a village to raise a child?" (For some reason I think of old Hillary Clinton when I hear that even I though I know she didn't coin the phrase). Well, I believe this saying is so true but maybe we should change it to "it takes a community to raise a child". I mean we don't really need other women folk to watch out for our babies being eaten by tigers or burned by the open flames of the house fire pit or even from being kidnapped by neighboring tribes. But we do need insight and support as we walk through the trenches of raising our children.

I have learned a life lesson lately. It dawned on me when I was talking to a sweet friend of mine who has one child Elizabeth's age. She was recently reminding me about a time she had shared her exhaustion over trying to get her son to sit down in the bathtub and how it was making her crazy fighting with him over it. She was so scared that he would really hurt himself standing in the wet tub. I shared with her a story about myself having this same conversation when my first child was just gaining independence and he too would not sit down in the tub. This too had absolutely freaked me out so I reached out looking for advice from a friend concerning what to do. (this friend had a child Eli's age but also two older girls so she knew everything in my opinion). She looked at me after I asked her what she did about this problem and she said, "I never really thought about that; I guess I just let him stand up in the tub." Of course I remember very clearly thinking to myself that she was 1. either a bad mom or 2. had realized that this wasn't a fight to try and battle with a one year old.
It wasn't until I had my third child and we are brought to the present conversation with this mother that it flashed before me what the old friend had told me...and I repeated the wisdom I had received years ago and added that I too now didn't really make it a big deal (oh to have a third child and not care...)

Of course I'm not condoning letting your children run wild in the bath tub (but please don't come to my house at 7:00pm each night) but my point is this...
the friend was reminding me of this conversation to point out how much she appreciated me sharing my learned lessons of mothering with her as she goes through it the first time.

But what I have learned is even greater...even though I have been through this now three times I am still learning from other moms, whether they are first timers or have five kids. I feed off the passion that is felt from first time moms as they watch their children grow and learn. I am still getting advice from other moms, whether new or novice, who went through something with a child that I am just now going through with my third (such as using duct tape with a diaper obsessed sister girl).

I almost didn't rejoin a mothering group that I have been a part of for eight years now. The reason in my mind was that I had been there done that...I had talked about potty training, ear infections, teething, separation anxiety for so long that I didn't need the support of other mothers any more. I was good to go. But then I realized this summer that I will never be done needing the support of other mothers. Whether it is through a mother's group or some other type of system every mother needs a community to help her raise her child. Whether she works outside the home or stays in it all day we all need the support and encouragement of other women who have been there or are going through it along side of us.

I am thankful that I have a large support system of women who have both been through the trenches of preschool like myself years ago and survived to laugh about it now but also those women who are going through it for the first time to give me a fresh perspective this third time around. It does take a village and I'm glad that I have built one up around me.