Getting back on the right track....

I had an ah ha moment recently. My life has changed pretty dramatically in the last 4 months from what I've been use to. What was my life like prior to 4 months ago? Play dates, one child at home most of the time, teaching preschool, coordinating MOPS, going to church and teaching Sunday School on a regular basis. Then everything changed; which I knew it would and I was excited and ready for it. Ian went to school full time. I quit working. I became just a member of MOPS. Then I had Elizabeth and of course that crisis with her which rocked my world. Since then life has slowed down and I'm getting accustomed to this new way of day to day living. It's quiet during the day while the boys are at school. I'm not really in charge of much outside the house except one thing with MOPS outside our own group; which really just puts me at the computer more then I would usually be. Church attendance stopped for awhile and then when it did resume we kept Elizabeth with us to keep her out of the nursery, which really means I was there in body but not in mind! I'm not in a bible study for the first time in a long time and I just started returning to Sunday School but am having to really try and focus on the lesson b/c of little miss. All this to say what? Well, I realized I was feeling disconnected with the bigger picture of life. I was focusing on the trivial, the little stuff that really wasn't that big of a deal. I hadn't been feeling 'happy' and 'joyful' during the day lots. And then it hit me -well it brought me to my knees actually! God...oh yeah, Him! I had needed Him completely to get through the Fall with Elizabeth and her surgery/recovery but once things got back to normal I didn't need Him so much. Or so I thought. Sometimes when one's life starts unraveling at the seams it makes one look at what that thread is that was holding it all together. For me I had let God go. I was just fine without talking to Him daily, studying His word or being in communion with other believers to be held accountable. Or so I thought. When I called out "God where are you? You've left me all alone." You know what I heard..."no, I've always been here. You are the one who went out on your own." I say this personal story only because I'm sure everyone has gone through this but we don't hardly make ourselves so vulnerable to confess out loud "I thought I could do it on my own without God." Well I'm doing it. It's a start for me to get back on track. I needed Him when I was way down and totally out of control with the outcome of my daughter. Not because I wanted something from Him but b/c I wanted Him to hold me through it. It's the times when we think we are okay that we forget about Him. That is why I'm feeling empty, focusing on the mundane, looking inward instead of outward out Him. I believe that is what we were created for to have a relationship with our creator and not live life solely for ourselves, which leaves us empty and wondering what the purpose is. Whoaaaa I'm going off on a tangent. If you are a praying person please pray for me as I try to refocus and get back on the right track of life.