Looking back....

I've sat and thought about what I would write for this first post back from the hospital and honestly I have written out many a thing in my brain but never had the time or felt too pressured to write this great thought provoking essay that I didn't do it! But now I must face the blank white screen and overcome my fear of what to write (sound like college?).

Obviously we are back - one week exactly- from Vanderbilt and Elizabeth is doing great considering someone cut her open and sewed on her heart two weeks ago! I don't know if its me not facing the reality of what happened or what??? but I don't think much about that week when I look at her. Everyone that I see for the first time or talk to says to me "I couldn't have done it....how did you make it?" Well I think how could I not make it? How could I not have done it? It was my two week old baby that went through it and she didn't even cry that much so how could I not be strong while sitting beside her with those breathing tubes and chest tubes in her? How could I not stand their strong while they poked her too many times to count to try and get i.v.'s in her little veins even having to go through her leg bones once b/c her veins were too tiny. My sweet baby girl was the strongest person I've ever seen - not complaining about the pain once! Her precious little lung collapsed and she didn't even let us know but just kept on breathing and sleeping - she got an infection in her incision when it popped open and she didn't even cry when we would pick her up to hold her and nurse! I'm in awe when I look at that precious baby and know that she is going to be a strong woman in this world!

Wow...this is therapeutic! We had so many people praying for us I have heard - e-mails were forwarded on and on to churches and groups through family and friends. Baby Elizabeth's name was lifted up to our Heavenly Father throughout this ordeal by people who hadn't even met her. And you know what? I FELT IT. I've never, never had that many people praying for my family for something. We've never been through anything that warranted petitions in that manner. But I can honestly tell you that Nate and I felt like we were being held up physically, mentally and spiritually by God b/c of it. With soooo little sleep and countless doctors coming in spitting off terms about our baby that we needed to remember and people calling and visiting all the time where we felt like we needed to be 'at our best' for them since they took time to come see us - it was exhausting but yet we made it each day. The doctor's said many times how remarkable Elizabeth was doing considering what she had been through - how fast she was recovering - how "she doesn't look like a 'heart' baby" said one doctor! You can't tell me that wasn't God's hand on us!
Are we going to be overprotective parents now? Probably so---Elizabeth has been throwing up the past three days just once each night and of course we freaked out and called the cardiologist. And then her incision opened up on the other side this time and we called the on call surgeon Saturday. She seems fine but we are very hypersensitive now.
The one major thing I learned from this all is BE PREPARED if you have children --- (that's the boy scout motto in case you didn't know). Prepared for what? Prepared in all sense of the word - have a support system set up already that you can rely on to step in and pick up your world where you can't be there to keep it running. Know what to do if your child has an emergency....for us when Elizabeth choked for the first time both Nate and I freaked out and didn't' know what to do. Nate called 911 and I ran across the street to my neighbor who is a nurse for him to help her. What was I thinking? Do you know how to resuscitate your child if they quit breathing or choke - it kills me to think of all the times my kids could have done this and I wouldn't have known what to do even though I took CPR in college (it wasn't refreshed in my mind!). The hospital made Nate and I watch a video and show the nurse how to do CPR on a child/baby before we could leave. Thank God! If anything - go learn the few basic steps for that right now! And the last thing that can prepare someone in case they go through any kind of family crisis - have faith in Christ. Nate and I knew from the beginning that whatever happened we were going to make it b/c of our faith in Christ. We had HOPE that He would pull us through it....now don't think I didn't want to curl up and scream in pain from fear of not knowing what was wrong with her in the ER Sunday night at Vanderbilt but I prayed and I knew when I couldn't pray I could moan in fear and sadness and my Father would hear me and give me the strength. I can't imagine families going through a crisis like that and not being grounded in faith.

I doubt anyone has read all this rambling - but it was good for me to get out of my head and now I can carry on with my blogging like before! Much thankfulness and love goes out to my friends and family for 'stepping in' where I couldn't be and carrying my family through the past two weeks!